Just like being slapped in the face with a shit-filled diaper, IT'S ALIVE
assaults the viewer with the extremely stinky story of two unattractive people
who are about to have a baby. The good news is, even though the baby is
hideously mutated and ugly as fuck, it's still better looking than the interior
decoration of their house. The bad news is...
it's alive!
Straight out of the pussy, the baby attacks and kills (off screen) five people
in the delivery room. After that it crawls all around Los Angeles killing
people off screen. The dad is fired from his job for having a
"
retarded" baby and the police are running around like a bunch of
bloodthirsty maniacs. Which raises the question: since the police know
that the baby kills with its claws and teeth, then why do they still wear their
normal street clothes? If somebody ordered me to go in a building to
confront the killer baby with nasty, big, pointy teeth...I'd be decked out like
the fuckin' bomb squad!
Anyway. The story
sounds exciting, but it's not. In fact,
it's extremely boring and while audiences back in 1974 might have got a kick out
of it (did they?) people nowadays would probably be bored stiff by the slow
story, lack of violence, amateur acting, weak script and dark lighting.
Not the worst thing I've ever seen, but I was severely disappointed by how
lackluster the whole thing was. Skip it.
[Update 8/18/2021: Just added a newspaper ad that says "
...IT BEGINS WHERE
ROSEMARY'S BABY
LEAVES OFF." What the hell? This movie literally has
nothing to do with Satan.]
Part 2 - It Lives Again (1978)
Part 3 - It's Alive III: Island of the Alive (1987)
Remake - It's Alive (2008)
The same weird wallpaper appears in Part 3.