Monday, May 10, 2010

THE FORBIDDEN LEGEND: SEX AND CHOPSTICKS (2008)

In the tradition of Category III hits like SEX AND ZEN and CHINESE TORTURE CHAMBER STORY cums THE FORBIDDEN LEGEND: SEX AND CHOPSTICKS.

There's not a lot of story here (as a young teenager Simon Quig's father, a famous sexologist, began training his son in the art of the Iron Dick and also how to seduce and outsmart females. As an adult he goes around searching for the most beautiful women in the land to have sex with), but what makes SEX AND CHOPSTICKS so much fun is it knows exactly who it's audience is and gives us exactly what we want: sex, tits, fighting and funny stuff. I'm usually pretty bored with most softcore skin movies but I was laughing my ass off with this movie and the sex scenes were actually pretty goddamn hot!

Beautiful women and humor are the two main attractions here and both are home runs. When Simon was a teenager his father wouldn't allow him to have sex until he'd mastered the Iron Dick so that means Simon was handlin' it nonstop. LOL. One time he busted a nut in school, it shot on the floor and his teacher slipped and fell on the floor causing a tit to pop out! Later on Simon is kidnapped by bandits and has a kung-fu sex duel the female leader to earn his freedom and the part that had me laughing out loud the most is since Simon has mastered the technique of the Iron Dick if anybody kicks him in the nuts they'll break their foot on his rock hard unit, but his servant is just a normal dude and for whatever reason he's constantly getting kicked in the nuts! Hahaha. It was hilarious. But the best part is whenever the servant gets kicked you hear the bird twittering/whistling sound effect, but when Simon gets kicked you'd hear a loud metallic *clank!* sound. Goddamn that had me rolling.

As far as the women goes there wasn't a bad one in the bunch they were all knockouts. I especially enjoyed his private tutor (Kaera Uehara) who has one of the hottest bodies I've ever seen. The bald monk chick was also hot as hell and I think her sex scene was my favorite.

As far as softcore goes this one has it all: entertaining story, great sex scenes, some short but enjoyable fight scenes and humor that's actually funny. Check it out. I can't wait to see Part 2!

Also did you know that if your lover is on the verge of death you can stick some acupuncture needles in her right nipple area and she will be restored to full health just long enough to have one last solid fuck session? It's true!
That dude was constantly getting kicked in the nuts. LOL.

They do cock push-ups too! Small world.