Tuesday, June 29, 2010

X-CROSS (2005)

Two young women (one attractive, one ehh) go to a hot springs resort village for a relaxing weekend. The first clue that the trip was probably a mistake would be the mutilated, mummified corpses hanging on crosses along the side of the road. Clue #2 would be the fact that all of the villagers limp badly. Clue #3: all the limping villagers immediately try and chop your left leg off!

I'm guessing that X-CROSS was suppose to be a horror-comedy(?). I have no clue, since there's no real horror or actual comedy.  Instead it's just two chicks running around in the dark while a third chick shows up to kill the sluttier chick for stealing her ex-boyfriend. What the hell? Anyway, so yeah, that's about it. Lots of running around, a shitload of people talking on their cell phones nonstop even while being attacked and probably 10 jokes total, including some real knee-slappers like: one chick falling over in a portable toilet and then when she comes out all covered in piss she says "Now I'm pissed."

Zero tits, no gore, very little blood, very predictable story with no scares at all. Skip this movie. If a movie is trying to be a horror-comedy then it needs to go over the top like DEAD ALIVE or EVIL DEAD 2. Don't just have two chicks with zero personality running around in the woods talking on their cell phones and texting while be chased by non-scary cripples!