The cross-country team of the all-girls Christian school Orange Hills Academy came in 10th place last year in state while under the iron-handed leadership of Coach Holloway. Holloway’s gone now and the schools got a new coach who doesn’t believe in “running the girls in the ground”. The parents are not happy about that and they voice their disdain by being complete and utter assholes non-stop. It’s awesome. I was giggling my incredibly tight buns off the entire movie cause it’s so deadpan and over the top at the same time. There is zero character development. The new coach shows up in the opening scene and this one student just starts throwing shade immediately. Then the student’s dad shows up and starts talking shit to this poor woman without even giving her a chance at all. Then other parents and faculty pile on. It’s ridiculous. Then the coach starts tossing out Bible verses and I’m like “Ohh, hell yes. You go girl!” 1 Corinthians 10:31, motherfucker! “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” What does that have to do with running across a field? I have no idea, but it's said with sincerity so it's awesome!
REMEMBER THE GOAL is a Christian movie, but even I, a world-renowned Bible scholar, had trouble figuring out how any of this is gonna get somebody saved or even be inspirational. Since it is a Christian school, I would figure that the parents are all Christians as well, but they were all insufferable buttheads. And the coaching technique that the new coach was showing the girls is just The Tortoise and the Hare: pace yourself while the other runners burn out. Like is that even inspirational at all? That's just common sense!
As far as movie entertainment goes, RTG would probably be looked at as lame by most people, but I appreciated the dedication the filmmakers and actors had. It made me laugh and that's fucking enough for me.
Part 2 - The Perfect Race (2019)
