THE WRAITH (1986)

"Looks like a dork to me."

Despite only having six members, each dumber than the next, a murderous gang of car thieves have free rein to do anything they want in a small Arizona town. The town has police force, led by a useless sheriff (Randy Quaid) who spends all of his time tailing and investigating the gang, but never actually doing anything. It’s weird. Enter into this bizarre small town drama, one Charlie Sheen who rolls into town on his dirt bike and within 45 seconds he’s got Sherilyn Fenn riding on the back. This doesn’t sit too well with the hyper-jealous leader of the car thief gang, Nick Cassavetes, who has the hots for Sherilyn. So much so that he recently murdered Fenn’s boyfriend back when he was a pre-ghost. Huuuumm. And speaking of vengeance-seeking ghosts who drive around in a stealthy ghost whip murdering bad guys…why is Charlie Sheen never around when the ghost whip shows up? Unless, of course, you’re talking about the scene on the movie poster which doesn’t even make sense.

I remember renting this on VHS when it was a New Release, but only watching it a few times and not being super impressed. Revisiting it now though, it’s actually better than I remember. Probably a 5.5 out of 10. Or, maybe I’m just being nostalgic. Steady pace, only explosion kills (yawn), cool 1980’s fashions (I was dying over the waitress’ outfits), non-threatening bad guys (…except for that one dude who sliced his own hand open and wasn't even wearing a bandage in his next scene, dude’s healing powers are off the charts!), a shotgun with blinking red lights on it, two very quick topless glimpses, a few mildly watchable race scenes, boring desert town setting, okay acting but it was fun seeing a younger Charlie Sheen and a pre-Twin Peaks Sherilyn Fenn. I don't know if there's ever been a remake, but I'd love to see one. I know if I wrote the script, it'd have way more scenes at Big Kay's Drive-In!

Post-review thought: If you think about it too much THE WRAITH is kinda like a weird retelling of THE HEAVENLY KID. And PHANTOM OF THE MALL: ERIC’S REVENGE is the same basic story as THE WRAITH, just with a mall instead of cars.

Second thought: I like how the newspaper ads mention music by “Ozzy Osbourne, Honeymoon Suite, Bonnie Tyler, Tim Feehan”, but nothing about Motley Crue, Billy Idol or Robert Palmer.

THE CAR (1977)

One day, for no known reason, a mysterious all-black car starts murdering people around the small desert town of Santa Ynez. The local authorities are useless and never call for outside help even after six of their own police officers are killed. Oh yeah, did I mention that the car doesn’t have a driver and it can drive through houses and tumble all over the joint and rev its engine a lot? Well, it can.

I first saw THE CAR when it aired on NBC on Saturday, November 22, 1980. My itty-bitty stupid child brain thought THE CAR was wicked as fuck and come Monday we were all standing around the school playground saying stuff like “The Car is wicked as fuck!” and “When Knight Rider shows up in two years, The Car is gonna kick K.I.T.T. in his N.U.T.T.Z.!” and “I wish The Car would kill me and my entire family! Yeah!” You know, normal childhood banter.

But…is THE CAR still entertaining today? Ehhh, the first two acts are fairly entertaining, I really did enjoy watching the car taking people out and then honking like a maniac, but the last act is a goddamn snoozer!

Amusing idea (even if it’s just a rip-off of JAWS), cool-looking devil whip, okay acting, pretty desert town locations, incorrect subtitles on the blu-ray and the DVD (see below), weak direction, even weaker script, solid cast, a police car falling one foot and exploding. Overall, THE CAR is an interesting film that made a pretty big impact on (movie-loving) children of a certain age. And even if I find the film to be weak nowadays, I’m still a fan of it and don’t understand why there wasn’t more done with this idea. I wish somebody had made more Car films back in the 1980’s.

If you’ve never seen THE CAR, then it’s definitely worth checking out. Double-feature with the Futurama episode "The Honking".

[Bonus newspaper clip talking shit about THE CAR. I actually remember also watching THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE after THE CAR.]

She clearly say "Cat poo!, not "Tadpole!" Even worse, this subtitle is incorrect on the DVD also. So like nobody checks this shit? Or they just don't give a fuck?