NEW MOON (2009)

I loved the first 20 minutes with Edward and Bella hanging out at school. That was rad.  What they should have done was make Bella a vampire then just write a million stories about them going from high school to high school together for the next few thousand years.  Anyway, for whatever stupid reason, Edward gets super moody and starts thinking that that if he leaves, the cold turkey approach will work and "BAM!" Bella will no longer be in love.  That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard. So now Bella is super lonely and goes into a deep depression until she finally gets so lonely she's even willing to hang out with that creepy doucher Jacob.  Ends up he has a supernatural secret of his own.

Other stuff happens, but I'm not going to tell you. My biggest problem is Edward is the most interesting character in the story and there was a long period where he was gone. During that time I kinda started disliking Bella, because she's vapid and selfish and helpless. Edward's too good for her, but goddamn it she is hot.

Despite the presence of the human-sized tampon, Jacob, I really liked this movie and laughed a lot! It was great! I can't wait until Part 3, but I have a bad feeling that Bella's gonna piss me off, by shitting on Edward. I hope I'm wrong.

Part 1 - Twilight (2008)
Part 3 - The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)
Part 4 - The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 (2011)
Part 5 - The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 (2012)

TWILIGHT (2008)

Well, call me a nerd if you want, but I really enjoyed this movie. I don't know anything about the "Twilight" story. I've never read the books or even knew what the story was about until I watched this movie a few minutes ago and...it was awesome!!! Then again, I love the early seasons of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and I'm a romantic motherfucker, so it's probably not a big surprise that I dug this story.

Sexy teenager Bella is the product of a broken home. Her mother has a new boyfriend, so Bella goes to live with a father. He lives way up Northwest somewhere, where it's rainy and dreary all the time. One day, in the lunchroom of her new high school, she sees this cute beau hunk motherfucker named Edward. He's mysterious and Bella is instantly obsessed with this dude and he with her. Wait till she finds out he's a vampire!

All kinda of interesting stuff happens including them hooking up and him explaining how he's different than other vampires and him even having to kick some other vampire ass. It's a lot of fun and that's all that really matters. I have no desire to ever see it again though. One time was enough...alright maybe ten more times.

Part 2 - The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)
Part 3 - The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)
Part 4 - The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 (2011)
Part 5 - The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 (2012)