THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (2003)

True story: I saw this opening weekend in a very crowded theater in Dallas, TX and right as the movie started a gigantic teenage girl goes thundering down the stairs like a stampeding baby elephant while announcing to the entire world "I GOTZ 2 GO PEEEEE!!!"  I have no idea if she ever accomplished her goal or not because I was probably asleep by the time she returned to the theater.

Soulless remake by the same soulless guy who made the equally soulless FRIDAY THE 13TH remake.  Set in 1973, we're introduced to five twentysomething teenagers returning from a drug run to Mexico.  While driving through the Texas backroads they pick up a hitchhiker.  Things go downhill from there and before you can yawn 666 times they're being terrorized by your average horror movie hillbilly family.  All the standard stuff is here: chainsaw revving, meathook hanging, screaming, mask made out of human skin, interior of house looking like the NIN "Closer" video, predictable story, zero nudity, zero scares, very minor blood, zero gore, annoying characters that cannot die quick enough, mysterious light sources, meaningless dialogue, dripping water, sweaty grinning yokels, etc.

The pace and production values were good enough to keep me from totally falling asleep, but I had absolutely zero interest in who lived or died or even what happened.  Honestly, the best part of the movie was Jessica Biel's tight clothes.  Baby buttfucking Jesus those jeans need to be put on display at the Smithsonian!  World Class Ass aside this reboot is about as mediocre as it gets.  Yawn.

Part 1 - The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
Part 2 - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
Part 3 - Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)
Remake/sequel - Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994)
Reboot prequel - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)
Reboot sequel to original - Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)
Prequel - Leatherface (2017)
Direct sequel to original - Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE (1974)

After hearing reports of grave robbing, sister and brother Sally and Franklin Hardesty, along with three friends go on a road trip to check on their grandfathers grave and to stop by the old family homestead.  Things are going fine until they pick up a hitchhiker who happens to be part of a murderous family of cannibals.  The rest is movie history.

If I had to list the three most influential movies on my life they would probably be BACK TO THE FUTURE, ALIENS and THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE.  As a teenager/young adult falling in love with movies, I watched those three films hundreds of times.  Hell, I still have 'em on my phone and watch 'em whenever I'm bored.  They've become a more realistic part of my life than many actual parts of my life!

Even without the nostalgic value, I still believe that TCM is one of the best movies of all time.  There's just something genuine about it.   Now whether that is actually true or not, I have no idea, but it definitely seems so.  That same honest feeling is why I included PINK FLAMINGOS on my Best Movies List.  No celebrities, no gore, only a small amount of blood, no nudity, no popular songs, no ghosts, no jump scenes...just some people who wanted to make an original horror movie and every single one of the movie gods smiling at once

I'm sure people will scoff at this, but I believe, the scene where Pam enters the house is one of the most influential scenes in movie history...the set design, the sound design, the lighting, the editing, the overwhelming sense of doom...that moment has been copied countless times in horror movies and music videos ever since.

Easily one of the best movies of all time.  My absolute highest recommendation.

Part 2 - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
Part 3 - Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)
Remake/sequel - Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994)
Reboot 1 - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
Reboot prequel - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)
Reboot sequel to original - Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)
Prequel - Leatherface (2017)
Direct sequel to original - Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

 Behind the scenes.

"W.E. Slaughter Barbecue" according to Gunnar Hansen's book "Chain Saw Confidential" this means the family name is Slaughter.