Sunday, December 13, 2015

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE NEXT GENERATION (1994)

I saw TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE NEXT GENERATION in the theater when it originally came out and the main thing I remember is the audience laughing loudly at the movie.

The story opens with a high school girl (Renee Zellweger) going to her prom then quickly leaving with three other students and getting lost on a dirt road.  They wreck their car and soon find themselves being terrorized and held captive some unfrightening dorks.  The leader of these dorks is Matthew McConaughey.  He has a leg brace on one leg that's controlled by a remote control.  It also makes whirring noises when he moves.  It's really funny.  The End.

Alright.  There's actually more to the movie than Matthew McConaughey's leg noises, but not much.  The story is weird because it's basically the same story as the original film, except that it takes place in some bizarre parallel universe where things are lamer, suckier and more boring.  Also in the original film Leatherface was terrifying as fook, but in this film Leatherface is about as scary as the Hamburglar.  He also screams almost non-stop, which is kinda funny.

Zero scares, zero nudity, lots of talking, stupid people everywhere, zero chainsaw deaths(!!!), Mr. Spottish stepping on it, terrible 90's rock music playing during the chase scenes, Leatherface chainsawing down a brick smokestack, Grandpa literally just standing up and walking off in the middle of the movie...never to be see again, a dueling remote control battle over McConaughey's leg,  some unexplained sadist in a limousine, a mysterious crop duster appearance, the shortest car chase in movie history and the highlight of the film: cameos by three of the original cast members.  That was really cool.

Not a bad film, just a strange one.  In the right frame of mind it can be really funny.  Hell, it might actually be a comedy.

Part 1 - The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
Part 2 - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
Part 3 - Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III
Reboot 1 - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
Reboot prequel - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
Reboot sequel to original - Texas Chainsaw 3D

Marilyn "Sally Hardesty" Burns

John "Grandpa Sawyer" Dugan

Paul "Franklin Hardesty" Partain