TERROR IN THE AISLES (1984)

[Update 10/25/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

[Update 03/02/2025: Going to redo this review this week, so just ignore it and come back in a week or two. Thanks.]

Donald Pleasence and Nancy Allen, while sitting in a theater full of annoying dorks, narrate over a bunch of horror/thriller movie clips. Despite the movie selection being all from mainstream stuff, TERROR IN THE AISLES is a quick and fun introduction to pre-1984 horror.  Most of the movies selected are exactly what you would expect (THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE, HALLOWEEN, THE EXORCIST), but there's a few oddballs that make no sense: NIGHTHAWKS, FAHRENHEIT 451, MIDNIGHT EXPRESS and TO CATCH A THIEF. What the hell?

If you're a horror fan then it's worth checking out. The stuff shown in the theater probably takes up less than 5 minutes, but the clips are a fun trip down memory lane.

Update: TERROR IN THE AISLES is now available as an extra on the HALLOWEEN II Blu-Ray!

NIGHTMARE CITY (1980)

I'm not an expert on zombie movies, but I think this might be the first instance of zombies that can not only use guns and other weapons, but also start a lawnmower and even fly airplanes! A mysterious airplane lands at the airport and like a fucking clown car at the circus, an endless stream of pissed off zombies emerge and start attacking everybody in sight. Before long, the horde has rampaged all over the city and started multiplying. A reporter and his doctor wife drive around all over the joint getting attacked nonstop.

The makeup looks like shit and the special effects are crap, but NIGHTMARE CITY is still very entertaining mainly because it never lets up. The entire movie is just one long ridiculous action scene. Pretty much the entire story is the dildo and his wife running around all over the place acting like morons, but still somehow managing to stay alive.

You'll probably forget the entire movie within a month of watching it, but it's fun and you'll get a lot of laughs out of it: terrible acting; zombies standing directly in front of the camera posing; a random dog literally playing with the zombies; the stupidity of the two main characters; female nipple cut off, the horrible makeup; multiple times people standing still then suddenly jumping into action; woman's head exploding then in the next shot she's dead with just a little bloody spot on her forehead; Mel Ferrer saying "Aim for the brain!"; a zombie getting beat up by a guy using a blanket for a weapon; a TV that explodes into a huge fireball; the completely random harpoon gun and much more. Check it out for a laugh.

HANNAH AND HER SISTERS (1986)

"I can't fathom my own heart."

[Update 07/18/2021: Need to edit this review and fix the screenshots.]

HANNAH AND HER SISTERS is anchored around three consecutive Thanksgivings. Kinda like Bergman's FANNY AND ALEXANDER had three Christmas'. The movie opens with a dinner celebration taking place on the first Thanksgiving. Michael Caine (who's married to Hannah - played by Mia Farrow) is moaning away over Hannah's sister Lee, played by Barbara Hershey. He is bored with his marriage and deeply in lust with Lee. Lee is in a relationship with painter Max van Sydow. Hannah's other sister is played by Diane Wiest. She's a drug addicted wannabe actress who is constantly borrowing money from Hannah to support her various ideas like to be a writer or to run a catering company. She also once went on a horrible date with Hannah's ex-husband Mickey, played by Woody Allen.

Everything about this film is engaging. The acting, the cinematography, the music, but what makes it such a great movie to me is the script. Every single line is a treasure. Classic Woody Allen. Just look at this passage where Michael Caine is thinking to himself while watching Lee at the Thanksgiving party:

"God, she's beautiful. She's got the prettiest eyes. She looks so sexy in that sweater. I just want to be alone with her and hold her and kiss her and tell her how much I love her and take care of her. Stop it you idiot, she's your wife's sister. But I can't help it. I'm consumed by her. It's been months now. I dream about her, I - I - I think about her at the office. Oh Lee, what am I gonna do? I hear myself moaning over you and it's disgusting. Before, when she squeezed past me at the doorway and I smelt that perfume on the back of her neck - Jesus, I - I thought I was gonna swoon. Easy! You're a dignified financial adviser. It doesn't look good for you to swoon."

I'm swooning just reading it. I would give 10 inches off my dick if I could write like that.  I get so much pleasure out of watch old Woody Allen movies. He was so great back in the 80's. So great that I nearly forget he later made MELINDA AND MELINDA. [vomits all over keyboard]

If you've never seen HANNAH AND HER SISTERS, I cannot recommend it enough. It has an organic quality. Entirely interdependent, if you know what I mean. I can't put it into words. The important thing is, it breathes. An epiphany of the soul!