TROG (1970)

Some cave explorers find a live caveman.  He whips the shit out of them and the two survivors take shelter at a local research center. Scientist Joan Crawford hears about this creature and uses her "hypno-gun" to capture the beast.  She takes him back to her lab to teach him different things like how to wind-up a toy, how to throw a ball and the colour "Blue. Blue. Blue.", but not "Red." because red makes Trog angry! Grrrrrrrrr. Another thing that makes Trog angry is the other scientist who's jealous of Crawford and sets out to sabotage the entire thing.  Part of his plan is to piss off Trog really bad then let him go (note to self: make sure I'm in a safe position before releasing a pissed off caveman). Once loose, Trog tears up all kinds of stuff and even kidnaps a child.

As bad as TROG is, it's not nearly as bad I had expected. Yea, it's cheesy, the story is rubbish, the budget is low and the Trog outfit looks like crap (it's actually a leftover from 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY), but Joan Crawford really gives her all for this shitty movie and I can't badmouth that.

Outside of Joan, I can't think of any reason to watch this movie. If you're a horror fan looking for some caveman rampage carnage you're going to walk away pissed and if you're a bad movie fan looking for a movie to laugh at you'll find yourself straining to find stuff to even make fun of. My suggestion is unless you're a Joan fan then just skip it altogether.

FREDDY'S DEAD: THE FINAL NIGHTMARE (1991)

Freddy flying around on a broom while dressed as a witch; Freddy doing somersaults; Freddy playing a video game on his "power glove"...I'm guessing at this point in the series, the filmmakers had completely given up on making a good movie and simply slapped together a bunch of goofy, surrealist, comedy ideas in hopes of making a quick buck based off of the popularity of the series.

"Ten years from now" Freddy has killed all of the kids in Springwood.  And, I guess, he's trapped in town or something, I don't know, but anyway, some kids at a nearby youth shelter are having bad dreams.  So one of the counselor's decides that a field trip to Springwood would help...bad idea.  Soon Freddy has killed three whole people!  Wow.

I've watched ANOES6 multiple times over the years, but I always end up bored and confused as to why the filmmakers thought this story was a good idea.  Freddy has been reduced to somebody who was kinda scary in the first film to now a comedy figure cracking off non-stop, shitty dad jokes that aren't even remotely funny.  Also, the Freddy make-up in this film looked like poop.

Skip it or watch it to make fun of it.

Part 1 - A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
Part 2 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)
Part 3 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)
Part 4 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)
Part 5 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)
Part 7 - Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)
Freddy vs Jason (2003)
Remake 1 - A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Freddy looks like somebody walked in on him taking a shit.

JAILBAIT BABYSITTER (1977)

This has to be the worse official DVD release I've ever seen. Just look at the fucking screenshots! But really when you think about it JAILBAIT BABYSITTER doesn't deserve any better. The story revolves around an unattractive seventeen year-old girl (she looks 35) who refuses to give up the pussy to her boyfriend. One night they're making out on the sofa when he makes his move and she rejects him. She tells him "You can just cool it for awhile." and he yells back "Yea, well you can just go fuck yourself for awhile!" Right then a group of stoner friends waltz in and start partying. The party gets out of hand (furniture knocked over, guy hit in head with fire poker, etc) and the girl runs off.

As fate would have it she ends up at the home of a high-priced hooker. The girl never contacts her parents and just stays with the hooker and the hooker is more than happy to train her in the ways of whoring. Which strangely enough do not include getting naked. Instead there's just a lot of boring talking and even some tennis playing. Eventually she gets with her first customer and he's so out of shape he has a heart attack while trying to longdick it. This scares her out of hookerin' and back into the waiting arms of her dork boyfriend. They go to a Halloween party and the guy she hit in the face with the fire poker tries to rape her, but her boyfriend saves the day.

There you go. I just told you the entire story so now you can skip it completely. Trust me, you'll gain nothing by watching this stinker.