ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK (1981)

In 1997, America is all fucked up and the crime rate is so high the government has converted Manhattan into a prison, complete with guarded 50 foot high walls around the perimeter. There are no rules. The cops just dump the prisoners and split. They don't care what happens as long as it stays inside...but all of that changes when, thanks to some terrorists, Air Force One carrying President Donald Pleasence crashes inside.

The coppers go in to get him, but only find his empty escape pod. The inmates have taken him hostage and instruct them to leave or the President dies. Plan B: convince soon-to-be-transported-to-Manhattan prisoner and ex-special forces soldier "Snake" Plissken to go in and save the President (and a super important cassette tape that he's carrying) within 24 hours. How do they convince him? By placing explosives inside of his neck.  That'll do it.

So anyway Snake goes in and...it's kinda boring. He walks around a lot and talks to some people. Eventually he punches some punks, gets captured and forced to fight a giant dude with a spiked baseball bat, but even that is boring cause the fight is only like two minutes long.  More talking and more running around happens until Snake finally a hold of the President.  Now he must escape from New York.

I've heard tons of hype about this movie being totally badass.  I can see how the idea for this movie is awesome, but the reality of it isn't all that great. It's pretty boring and considering how it came out the same year as THE ROAD WARRIOR it doesn't doesn't have any excuse not to be badass.  I'm sure all kinds of fanboys are vomiting tears and punching their computers right now, but it's true. ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK is not action-packed and it looks pretty goddamn cheap.

Worth a watch once just to see what all the hype is about, but I can't imagine wanting to watch it multiple times. Very little violence, no gore, very little tension, zero nudity (unless you count Kurt Russell's nipples or that extremely quick scene in the theater), impressive cast including some uncredited voice acting by Jamie Lee Curtis as the narrator / computer, a gun equipped with a silencer making a lot of noise, a Cadillac with chandeliers on the hood, dated as fuck special effects, important information being carried on a cassette tape despite it being 1997.

If you need me, I'll be in my room watching the next Carpenter-Russell collaboration instead...THE THING.  Or maybe re-reading that escape the store chapter from Robert McCammon's "Swan Song".

Part 2 - Escape From L.A. (1996)

THE CRIMINAL LIFE OF ARCHIBALDO DE LA CRUZ (1955)

One evening when he was very young, the spoiled Archibaldo is playing with a music box that he was told has magical powers because it once belonged to a king. As he winds it up he wishes for his nanny to die. At that very moment a stray bullet comes through the window killing her instantly. When she falls her dress hikes up exposing her legs. Young Archi stares stares in complete shock as the blood gushes from her neck and onto her legs.

Years later, as an adult, Archibaldo is convinced that he has a blood lust. He tries to prove it by killing women, but every time he tries to kill somebody they are either murdered by somebody else or die accidentally!  Example: he pulls a knife on a nun and tells her that he's going to give her the gift of death so she can be with God. She understandably freaks out and goes running down the hallway and accidentally falls down an elevator shaft to her death before Archibaldo can give her her "gift".

At the investigation Archibaldo tells the commissioner about his blood lust and that he's a great criminal...at least in his own mind he is, but the commissioner only laughs and tells him "If we imprisoned everybody who ever wanted to kill somebody...!" From here we go into an extended flashback which has other examples of Archibaldo desperately wanting to kill somebody, but always failing.

Not the most surreal of Bunuel's films, but it's still a highly entertaining and dark film filled with smaller Bunuel touches like the mannequin and the woman trading places, the overly obscene woman and the funny moment when Archi's mother finds out the show at the theater has been canceled due to the Mexican Revolution: she stamps her foot and cries "It would have to be today!"

TCLOADLC is a very enjoyable film. Recommended for sure.

ARACHNOPHOBIA (1990)

[Update 10/17/2021: Need to redo this review completely.]













Would make a creepy / fun double feature withEIGHT LEGGED FREAKS.

ALIEN was released in 1979, not "the 80's".