PRIVATE RESORT (1985)

Cinematic curiosity thanks to it being the first lead role of Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow and the see-through topless scene of POLICE ACADEMY's Sgt. Callahan.  Other than that, it's pretty lame.

Two young men (Rob Morrow and Johnny Depp) stay at a private resort for 4 days hoping to get a little action.  They get some action, but they also get involved with a jewel theft who happens to be after a large diamond that belongs to Depp's female friend's grandmother.  That's right, her grandmother is also staying at the private resort...so, of course, that leads to Depp claiming that he's a doctor.  That lie could've lead to some amusing scenes, but after he says it, it's instantly forgotten.  Instead, most of the plot revolves around the two guys interaction with the jewel thief.  Example: his wife likes them; one of them accidentally cuts his hair; they sneak into his room; when one of them is dressed up like a woman, he tries to pick her up, etc.  Really funny stuff.

Badly written story filled with unfunny humor (example: while a psycho is shooting up a restaurant an overweight girl eats all of her friend's food.  Hardy-har-har!), mildly interesting nudity, the resort location is never really laid out, Emily Longstreth looking cute, brain-fried punk, 80's fashions, horrible music, awesome poster.  Compared to most mid-80's sex comedies, PRIVATE RESORT is a little bit below average mainly due to the lack of any standout topless scenes and zero laughs.  There wasn't even any of the "so stupid it's funny" stuff that's in a lot of these movies.  Skip it.

The only smile I got from the entire movie was this guys strut.

Hey, it's ol' girl from EVIL LAUGH.

THE JACKPOT (1950)

The idea of a random family man winning a jackpot sounds promising, but I don't think I even cracked smile during this comedy.  It takes the jackpot winner, Jimmy Stewart, 25 minutes to even win the $24,000 jackpot and then when he does the jackpot isn't even $24,000 cash but instead a bunch of random bullshit worth $24,000.  And when I mean bullshit I mean bullshit.  An artist to paint my portrait (no thanks), an interior decorator (go away), a horse (what the fuck am I gonna do with a horse?), an entire butchered cow (what?!), a few thousand cans of soup (too much salt, go fuck yourself) and so on and so on.

This jackpot turns Stewart's life upside down when he realizes that he suddenly owes the IRS over 7 grand worth of taxes on all of this crap cluttering up his house, so without any internet to help him sell everything he goes about selling on his own.  All kinds of depressing situations arise (fired from his job, arrested, fights with wife) due to his unwise decisions (selling personal items at the department store he works at, trying to sell a diamond ring to a hood in an illegal gambling hall, spending a lot of time alone with the attractive portrait artist) and not a single bit of it is funny.

I love Jimmy Stewart and I was pleasantly surprised to see so many familiar faces among the supporting cast, but THE JACKPOT didn't do anything for me.  Maybe it was hilarious back in 1950 and/or you'll like it better, but I can't recommend it.

20,000 YEARS IN SING SING (1932)

I cannot see this film holding any kind of interest with modern audiences.  Convicted of a number of charges, including robbery and assault with an automatic weapon, cocky gangster Spencer Tracy is sentenced to a long haul at Sing Sing Prison.  In struts into the joint thinking his money is gonna make his time easy, but the tough love warden isn't interested in his stinkin' money.  He truly wants to reform him!  Haha.

Anyway, Tracy and the good-hearted warden butts heads a little bit, but for the most part it's pretty boring.  The highpoint of the film is a prison break scene, but even then Tracy is only a bystander.  One day Tracy gets a message that is girlfriend (Bette Davis) is sick and dying.  She's not even in the hospital, but just laying in her own bed "dying".  So the warden decides to give Tracy a chance to prove himself and gives him a 24-hour, unchaperoned furlough to go visit his "dying" girlfriend.  Right about then I gave up any chance of this film being good.

Compared to the same years I AM A FUGITIVE FROM A CHAIN GANG this film looks like a joke.  Good acting, but the story was complete hokum and I could never believe that Tracy was a tough guy.  Skip it.