HOW TO STUFF A WILD BIKINI (1965)

The Beach series really fell off the rails on this one.  Released just two months(!!!) after BEACH BLANKET BINGO, HTSAWB is a unfunny pile of dolphin testicles.  Frankie Avalon is now a sailor.  Stationed in Tahiti, he's knee deep in pussy.  One day, a native girl that he's banging playfully mentions that his girlfriend Dee Dee (Annette) is probably getting lots of strange dick while he's away.  This infuriates Frankie, so he hires a witch doctor (Buster Keaton) to have a bird spy on Annette and send a girl that can stuff a wild bikini to steal all the attention from the boys.  Meanwhile, Mickey Rooney and Brian Donlevy are ad execs searching for the "boy and girl next door" for an advertising campaign.  The male winner of the campaign, Dobie Gillis, excuse me, I mean, Dwayne Hickman falls for Annette, but Mickey and Brain have their sights set on the witchdoctor's decoy...and so does Eric Von Zipper.

That might not sound too bad, but trust me, it's a fucking snoozefest.  All of the jokes are D.O.A., the acting is stale and the songs!  Oh my god, they suck.  Forced, lifeless, talentless and torture to listen to.  In the older films the songs mostly had a natural feel to them, whether it was Frankie and Annette walking on the beach together or a band in the clubhouse, but here there songs just come out of nowhere.  People are talking then suddenly "The perfect boy doesn't have to be a Hercules (Hercules).  The perfect boy doesn't have to be Euripides ('ripdies)."  Euripides?!! Hahahaha!  Sadly, that's probably the best song in the movie, but those dumbass lyrics cracked me up.

Lame musical numbers, unfunny jokes, overacting, stupid story, Annette wearing tons of clothing since she was pregnant during the filming, Frankie reduced to probably less than 10 minutes of screentime, stupid motorcycle race finale, weak end credits without any go-go dancing.  The only funny thing was Eric Von Zipper and the Rats and they weren't that funny.  Skip it with a vengeance or watch it to make fun of.

Part 1 - Beach Party (1963)
Part 2 - Muscle Beach Party (1964)
Part 3 - Bikini Beach (1964)
Part 4 - Pajama Party (1964)
Part 5 - Beach Blanket Bingo (1965)
Part 7 - The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini (1966)
Part 8 - Back to the Beach (1987)

BEACH BLANKET BINGO (1965)

Once again Frankie, Annette and the gang are hanging out at the beach without a care in the world.  Not a lot of surfing is going on, there's more dancing that anything and then boom out of the sky a new female singing sensation (Linda Evans) comes parachuting in and lands in the ocean.  Frankie pulls her out of the water and is proclaimed a hero.  Naturally, this makes Annette jealous.  (Not that she's ever given him any pussy, so what the fuck?!!)  Next thing you know they've decided to go parachuting themselves, but when Frankie starts getting flirty with the female instructor, Annette responds by hanging out with the male instructor.  At the same time Jody McCrea falls in love with a mermaid,  Eric Von Zipper falls for Linda Evans and Buster Keaton dances with the unbelievably sexy Bobbie Shaw.  Holy sea donkey testicles is she hot!

Typical Beach movie shenanigans happen: dancing, singing (all of the songs were great, I really liked Frankie and Annette's playfulness in "I Think You Think".  "He's My New Love" was another highlight), but things were also just a tiny bit more serious.  When Frankie rejects the female instructors advances, she rips her shirt and accuses him of sexual assault!!  Also, Von Zipper kidnaps Linda Evans (or "I'm putting the snatch on you." as he says), but then later she's kidnapped again by Timothy Carey who tries to attack her with a hammer and chop her in half with a lumber saw!!  There's also a side-boob, which I think is a first for the Beach films.

All in all, BBB a fun film.  The skydiving scenes were disappointing since all they were were just wide shots of random people skydiving.  Honestly, I wish they would have just cut the entire skydiving bit and replaced with them something going on at the beach.  Other than that, it's a entertaining ride.

Part 1 - Beach Party (1963)
Part 2 - Muscle Beach Party (1964)
Part 3 - Bikini Beach (1964)
Part 4 - Pajama Party (1964)
Part 6 - How to Stuff a Wild Bikini (1965)
Part 7 - The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini (1966)
Part 8 - Back to the Beach (1987)