As far as I can tell (and I'm
really guessing here since the filmmakers
did such a poor job of storytelling), a PHANTASM-like portal to another
dimension and/or planet has opened up in an abandoned storage garage near the
Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. Out of this portal emerges a bunch of
freaky mutants who look like rejects from other horror movies. They also
have their own trading cards! What?! Anyway, so the mutants go
around killing random people while one-eyed alligator creatures with meat hooks
drag off the corpses. A lone teenage girl survives an attack by the
monsters, but the police don't believe her, so now it's up to her and two high
school classmates to defeat these "neon maniacs"! Oh yeah, there's also a
battle of the bands contest to win. And a date to go on. And some
sunbathing to do. A midnight swim to take. Groceries to
deliver. And, in a move right out of the James Bond playbook (in
ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE)...stop to have offscreen sex
while being chased by the bad guys!
When I sat down to enjoy NEON MANIACS I was expecting a mile-a-minute low budget
gorefest like
THE ABOMINATION, but instead the entire movie moved along at a slow pace with only a few
poorly filmed action moments sprinkled in to liven things up. That's not
saying it's a bad film...it's more like a disjointed mess hampered by budget
issues. That said, I still liked NEON MANIACS. Medium pace, goofy
creatures that made no sense, unexplained story that made very little sense,
very little blood, average acting, nice California scenery (I'm guessing San
Francisco and Los Angeles), that one girl from
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2, cheesy 80's songs during the battle of the bands segment, completely
illogical actions by the main characters, stupid ending and zero explanation as
to the meaning of the title.
Most people would probably dismiss NEON MANIACS as a piece of shit, but it had a
certain goofy charm that won me over...but not enough that I would want to watch
it again anytime soon.
