WEEKEND WITH THE BABYSITTER (1970)

"Now this here is a joint. J-o-i-n-t. Joint."

With a sin-promising title like WEEKEND WITH THE BABYSITTER I was expecting some seductive at first, but then hot and sweaty topless/bottomless action. Instead WWTB is a pretty lightweight story about a stuffy movie producer/director who has an abusive, drugged out wife that's constantly giving him grief.  So, once he gets alone with the sexy babysitter she takes him out on the town to see what's really going down. You dig baby? First stop, they go to a hippie club where they talk and talk and talk to some ultracool hippies who teach him how to smoke weed...then Jim falls asleep.  How exciting.  The next day they make cheese omelets (...with green onions) and ride motorcycles, then finally we get to the beast with two backs...I think, it was so slow moving and poorly shot that I couldn't tell what was going on. But there is a shower scene.

It goes on and on like this until finally in the exciting conclusion, Jim and his new hippie friends beat up the drug dealers that kidnapped his junkie wife!!! Why? Let that mean bitch die, you got some babysitter bangin' to do!

WEEKEND WITH THE BABYSITTER is a funny film if you're in the right state of mind but really, outside of a few unintentional laughs and some interesting early 70's fashions and cars, it's pretty slow.

THE LAST STAND (2013)

I remember when this film was announced with director Kim Jee-woon (I SAW THE DEVIL, THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE WEIRD) at the helm my handsome penis nearly exploded.  Arnold is my favorite action star and just the thought of him coming back onto the big screen after so many years away with something like I SAW THE DEVIL got me all excited...then I saw the trailer with goofy ass Johnny Knoxville stinking up the joint and all the wind went out of my sails.  Instead of watching it day one in the theater, I waited until it came out on home video and I'm glad I did.  THE LAST STAND is not a bad movie, I enjoyed it, but it could have been so much better.

The overly convoluted story is about a Mexican drug lord who's being transported somewhere when he escapes and then in his 1,000 hp car goes rocketing towards the border.  For whatever reason the Feds can't stop him, so now it's up to small town police dude Arnold Schwarzenegger and his deputies to stop this drug lord butthole from getting to Mexico.  That sounds dumb as hell and it's actually even worse in the movie.  Needless to say, if you want to enjoy this film you have to completely ignore reality and just allow whatever happens onscreen to happen without any complaint.  A car and a truck hit head on and the truck ramps into the air without even setting off the cars airbags...sure why not?  This 1,000 hp car drives well over 100mph for over 300 miles without getting gas...it could happen.  A giant magnet affects the cop inside a van, but not the bad guy who's also inside the van...happens all the time!

The other thing that bothered me was the pointless amount of time wasted on the government agents.  I don't give a fuck!  How about just cut them completely out of the story and instead of having the bad dude be a drug lord, have the entire film be much darker and have the bad guy be some asshole who raped and killed Arnold's family years ago and has now he escapes prison to get revenge on Arnold for shooting him in the dick?  Make the relationship between Arnold and the bad guy be personal so now it truly is a last stand.  A true fight to the death between two people who absolutely hate each others guts.  Maybe on top of that give Arnold inoperable cancer, so now he's dying of cancer and fighting this rapist murderer asshole.

As it stands...THE LAST STAND was an okay film with plenty of fun action scenes and thankfully very little screen time for Knoxville.  Still, I was hoping that it was gonna be much grittier.  What was the point of even bringing Kim Jee-woon on as the director if they were just gonna have it be like every other action movie out there?  Worth a watch as long as you don't expect too much.

If you need me I'll be in my room watching COMMANDO.

LADIES THEY TALK ABOUT (1933)

This movie was a lot of fun.  The always beautiful Barbara Stanwyck stars as member of a bank robbing gang.  During one of the robberies she's nabbed after the fact as a accomplice to the crime.  It looks like she's going to prison when a childhood friend who's now an up and coming preacher/social reformer takes a liking to her and pulls some strings to have her released...that is until, in a moment of weakness, she tells him that she actually was part of the robbery.  She refuses to rat out her gang so it's off to prison she goes.  She adapts to prison life pretty well and still gets tons of letters and visits from the preacher wanting her to change her ways.  Fat chance!

Fans of classic Hollywood will probably really like this film since they know what they're getting into, but less informed viewers will be surprised by the cheesiness of some of the scenes, especially the prison ones.  There's almost a complete lack of security and the ladies seem to have all the comforts of home including a hair salon and private rooms they can decorate however they want.  They can even have dogs!  And don't forget the crashout plot!  Holy shit!  But all of that just adds to the fun.  Another thing that made me smirk was the preacher's complete devotion to Barbara.  She could literally do about anything and he would forgive her.  It was pretty funny.  The actor (Preston Foster) did a fine job, but every time he was on screen I kept thinking how much better Ralph Bellamy would have been in that role.

Lightning-fast pace, more than one reference to lesbianism, action, new fish, references to prostitution, hatred of the police, a girl with a Joe E. Brown picture on her wall(!), strong supporting cast...LADIES THEY TALK ABOUT is a great Pre-Code movie, but best part is easily Stanwyck.  She's maybe the prettiest that I've ever seen her.  Check it out.