HOUSE (1985)

Seventy-three percent of the money HOUSE made should be attributed to that legendary poster artwork. As a horror kid nerd back in the 1980’s, I remember seeing it for the first time and tripping out! It looked so fucking rad! Then, the movie came out and it blew dead dogs. Man, we skipped school for this shit?! Fuck.

A formally successful writer is having a hard time writing his next novel due to his only child disappearing, his wife divorcing him, the aunt who raised him committing suicide and him now moving into her large haunted house. Even worse is he has two extremely annoying neighbors who somehow feel they have the right to just waltz into his house anytime they feel like it 24/7. Shit is fucking nuts. At one point, ol boi is investigating a strange sound in an upstairs bedroom at midnight and his neighbor literally comes walking in the room holding some beer!

I don’t know, the whole movie is just a mess. It advertises itself as a horror movie, but in reality, it’s a goofy comedy with nothing remotely funny happening ever. Okay pacing, dated special effects, a way overly complicated story, mediocre acting, weak ending, non-threatening monsters, zero gore, zero nudity. I have absolutely no idea how this movie ended up being rated R. Worth a watch if your curious, but nothing at all to get excited about.

Part 2 - House II: The Second Story (1987)
Part 3 - House III: The Horror Show (1989)
Part 4 - House IV (1992)

Google Maps

SATANICO PANDEMONIUM (1975)

One day the virtuous Sister Maria is picking flowers outside the convent when suddenly she sees the Devil (in human form) naked as a jaybird. She runs away but it's too late because she's already caught in his spell and soon goes bonkers.  Her rejection of Christ rampage starts out innocently enough with Maria throwing her prayer book on the floor and a little sinful licking, but before you know it she's killing other nuns and even rapes the stable boy before burning him to death!

SATANICO PANDEMONIUM maybe not as wild as some in the "nunsploitation" genre, but it's still an entertaining 70's flick with a medium pace, good acting, mild violence, nice sets and a story that might(?) not even be that offensive to open-minded Christians, (except for the nudity) thanks to Lucifer himself being blamed for everything.

Worth a watch for fans of such things, but nothing to get overly excited about. If you need me I'll be in my room trying to figure out how that one guy in the poster is not burning the shit out of his hand on that funnel.