SAVAGE BEACH (1989)

Opening with a drug raid in Hawaii and then some much needed topless time in the hot tub, two female DEA agents then set out in a small plane to deliver some medicine for sick children on a remote island.  Along the way, they run into a storm that fucks up their plane and they end up landing on a deserted island.  Deserted, that is, except for the Japanese soldier who's been living there for over 40 years...and is still wearing the same clothes!!!  At the same time, an undercover CIA agent infiltrates a gang of assholes who are looking for lost Japanese WWII gold.  I think you can see where this is going.  That's right, they all end up on the same deserted island running around killing each other...and flirting.

As somebody who watched 69 million hours of late-night cable back in the 90's, I think I've seen about every low-budget sex/action movie there is and I've always had a soft (or should I say hard?) spot for the films of Andy Sidaris.  They are simply pure entertainment from beginning to end.  The stories are always crazy as hell and filled with amazing dialogue.  I love the scene in this film where the male DEA agent is delivering some new weapons to a female agent:

Male: "I want you to see this special equipment I have for you."

Female: "Well, we're pretty isolated here and I don't always get my share."

Male: "Are you comfortable with a big gun?"

Female: "They have their advantages."

Male: "This baby's larger than most anything around."

Female: "Well, I'm not as impressed with size...as I am with performance."

Male: "Once loaded and cocked, all you need is a steady hand on the barrel."

Quick pace, ridiculous story, lots of topless ladies, a low budget stretched a long way, interesting acting by a good cast, ancient computers, beautiful Hawaii scenery, horribly hilarious "old man" make-up, cocaine hidden in a pineapple, awesome 80's fashions, a quick Andy Sidaris appearance (the CB radio operator), tight t-shirts and short shorts.

These type of films aren't for everybody, but my life would be sadder without them.

BAD RONALD (1974)

Teenager Ronald Wilby is a weirdo.  And when a young neighborhood girl says as much, Ronald does then only logical thing you could do in a situation like that: he caves her head in with a brick and then buries her in a shallow grave.  When Ronald's mom hears about this, she's understandably upset, but not because he killed somebody, but because this is going to ruin Ronald's chances of getting into medical school!  She then hatches the brilliant idea of hiding Ronald in a secret room hidden behind the pantry.  This works out alright at first, but then, when the mother dies and a new family (with three sexy teenage girls) moves in, things go from bad to worse.  It also doesn't help that Ronald is as crazy as a shithouse rat.

The basic story idea is full to bursting with all kinds of perverted possibilities...and none of them ever happen (since this is a 1970's TV movie), but it's still fun to think about!  A creepy male teenage virgin lurking in the walls of a house populated with three attractive teenage girls...maybe the youngest girl thinks Ronald is an imaginary friend come to life; or the oldest girl is a murder groupie and talks Ronald into murdering her family; Ronald comes out of his hiding place, ties up the entire family and starts raping and eating everybody; Ronald kidnaps one girl and holds her captive in the walls; how about an alternate reality sequel where the murderous Ronald is hiding in the walls...when a family of psychopaths move in!  Now Ronald is hiding for his life.

Anyway, as it is, BAD RONALD is interesting to see what people were watching on TV back on October 23, 1974. I imagine any youngsters who saw this back then were probably pretty creeped out by the idea of weird Ronald watching them through their walls. As for me, I enjoyed the story and got a kick out of seeing Kim Hunter, a young Dabney Coleman and brief appearances by John Fiedler and John Larch.

A FACE IN THE CROWD (1957)

Arkansas, 1950's.  A small town radio station has a show called "A Face in the Crowd".  It's about normal folks and their normal lives.  One day they feature the guitar playing and banter of a drifter named Larry "Lonesome" Rhodes.  He's an overnight sensation and before long his popularity has reached Memphis and finally New York City where he gets a television show that is watched by over 50 million people a week!  That's all well and good...except for the fact that ol' "Lonesome" Rhodes is a complete fake that'll do and say anything to make a quick buck...or make a quick fuck with a teenage girl.

While the basic story of A FACE IN THE CROWD is still as relevant today as it was in 1957...sadly we've gone way, way beyond a fake entertainer suckering the stupid masses out of their money.  And because of that, this film feels out of date.  Another thing that lessens the power of the film is "Lonesome" Rhodes didn't have any enemies.  His rise to fame seemed very easy and while I'm sure that was done on purpose, I still think it would have been more entertaining if there had been a power struggle or something.  Maybe a government official who saw through Lonesome's bullshit?   That's just my two-cents.

As it is though, A FACE IN THE CROWD is a well-made film and Andy Griffith makes a great con man.  Patricia Neal is great as well and I wish that Walter Matthau had a bigger role.