THE REMARKABLE MR. PENNYPACKER (1959)

[Update 02/26/2021: need to redo this review and update all of the screenshots.]

Light comedy about a free-spirited dude back in the late 1800's who runs a successful business with two branches, one in Philadelphia and the other in Harrisburg. That's all fine and dandy except that he also has a secret family in both towns with a total of seventeen kids!!! Somehow he's been able to keep the news of the two different families a secret for all of these years, but now that his oldest daughter (from the Harrisburg family) is getting married and the cat might be out of the bag.

The premise for THE REMARKABLE MR. PENNYPACKER is pretty outrageous and ripe for all kinds of crazy THE MIRACLE OF MORGAN'S CREEK-style hijinks, but it just never happens. The reason Preston Sturges was so successful with TMOMC is he took an outrageous subject matter and went way over the top with it. Unfortunately, TRMP takes an outrageous subject matter and just kinda sits there like a bump on a log. Yeah, there's a few risque jokes and a some humorous moments, but there's never any real sense of danger or consequences for Pennypacker's actions. He's just kinda like "Whatever! Fuck it!" the entire movie.

THE REMARKABLE MR. PENNYPACKER is a pleasant movie that goes by fast enough, but I think it played it too safe for it's own good and just kinda whitewashed over a lot of the more unpleasant things that would arise from a situation like this. Worth a watch.

I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (1998)

It didn't take long for this series to fall off. After the lamest dream intro in the history of 90's cheesy teen horror movie dream intros, we're told that Jennifer Love Hewitt is now in college and still haunted by the events of last summer...and the summer before that, if you want to get technical. She wins a radio contest and goes with three of her dork friends to a Caribbean resort. And guess who tagged along for the vacation? That's right the fisherman dude with the big hook.

The most shocking thing about ISKWYDLS is the budget was reportedly $65 million!!! The original only cost $17 million and you had goddamn Buffy in it! Where the hell did the money go cause it damn sure ain't onscreen. And don't tell me it was the location because CLUB DREAD was made in 2004 (with Mexico also doubling for The Caribbean) for only $8.5 million. Now that I think about it CLUB DREAD a better horror movie than ISKWYDLS and it was comedy! The kills were better, the bloodshed was better, there was some quality nudity and overall it just looked better.

Padded body count with lame kills, zero nudity, zero gore, stupid as hell plot twist, non-threatening killer, lots of pointless talking, karaoke singing, boring secondary story about Freddie Prinze, Jr., amusing supporting performance by Jack Black as a reefer smoker, Jeffery Combs, zero scares.  Worth watching to laugh at, but if you're looking for a genuine horror movie then skip it. If you need me I'll be in my room watching CLUB DREAD. "Do you wanna get drilled by Manny?"

Part 1 - I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)
Part 3 - I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (1997)

Four teens go out partying during the last summer before they set off the conquer the world. While driving back from the beach, the driver is distracted by the drunk asshole hanging out the sunroof screaming his brains out and they run some dude over. So what do they do? Call the coppers and risk ruining their lives or just dump the motherfucker in the ocean? They decide on option #2, but unfortunately right as they're tossing the dude in the ocean...he's still alive! Yikes! Shit happens and they make a pact to never tell anybody ever. That works out alright for a little while, then the bodies start showing up. And by "bodies" I mean five total.

If you're looking for a badass horror movie then go watch INSIDE, because IKWYDLS is pure 90's teen soap opera cheese with some horror elements tossed in.  It's awesome. After the tragic event, Jennifer Love Hewitt gets all guilt-ridden and haggard looking; shit-talkin Ryan Phillippe doesn't become the big football star like he was boasting; Buffy Summers doesn't go to NYC and has to get a job at a department store and Freddie Prinze, Jr. ends up working on a fishing boat. Ohhh, so sad! And if all that wasn't crappy enough, now some dude in a fisherman jacket starts killing people with a big hook. Life just isn't fair!

Compared to other cheesy 90's teen horror movies like SCREAM or URBAN LEGEND, IKWYDLS is a little bit more light-weight (I'm surprised it got an R rating), but I have a soft spot for it because it stars a "Buffy"-era Sarah Michelle Gellar! I'm guessing she filmed this between Seasons 1 and 2. The two things that bothered me the most (besides the lack of violence and nudity) was JLH's god-awful screaming and the killer's almost supernatural abilities...the gym locker room scene and the cleaning up of the car trunk are the two biggest things that made me think "Bullshit!".

Worth watching if you're into this sort of thing, but don't expect anything profound. It's pure junk food for the brain.

Part 2 - I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)
Part 3 - I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)