ROCKY V (1990)

Maybe going over to Russia to fight Ivan Drago wasn't such a good idea after all.  Yeah, he avenged Apollo's death, ushered in world peace and probably cured terminal butt cancer, but he got the daylights knocked out of him to the point that now he's pretty much intellectually disabled and while he was out of the country his accountant ran off with all his money!  That's right.  Rocky is flat broke!  So now without two wooden nickels to rub together between his chiseled buttcheeks he has to move back to the 'hood and Adrian has to get her old job back at the pet store!  This doesn't make any sense to me.  You're telling me that the recently retired World Champion is so broke that he has to go live in Paulie's old rundown house and live off what his wife makes working minimum wage at a pet store!  Jesus Christ, can't the guy find somebody to ghostwrite a autobiography for him or something?

Rocky starts up Mickey's old gym again.  Most of the people that come to train are deadbeats, but this one dude Tommy has the eye of the tiger!  Grrrrr.  Meow!!!  Under Rocky's tutelage, Tommy makes his boxing debut (at the same boxing joint we first saw Rocky boxing at back in ye olde 1976) and then works his way up the ranks into the big leagues...but yet somehow no money is made and Rocky still lives in the ghetto.  Blinded by the bright lights of stardom, Tommy leaves Rocky and signs up with a Don King-style manager who promises him a big payday and a shot at the title.  Stuff happens and Tommy ends up in a street fight with Rocky.  What the hell?

I understand Stallone was going for a more realistic feel when he wrote this story, but whatever he had envisioned didn't end up on the screen...or maybe it did and what he envisioned was just shit.  Either way, ROCKY V is a disappointing film.  Stallone's acting isn't very good, the story is rubbish, the secondary story about his kid is boring, the big fight at the end was meh.  Required viewing if you wanna keep up with the story, but honestly it's barely even worth the effort to watch it.

Part 1 - Rocky (1976)
Part 2 - Rocky II (1979)
Part 3 - Rocky III (1982)
Part 4 - Rocky IV (1985)
Part 6 - Rocky Balboa (2006)
Part 7 - Creed (2015)
Part 8 - Creed II (2018)
Part 9 - Creed III

ROCKY IV (1985)

"If he dies, he dies."

USA!  USA!  USA!!!  That's right comrades, this is the Rocky where those dirty Russians send their top athlete, Ivan Drago, over to America to pound every last drop of patriotic blood out of anybody who's stupid enough to step into the ring with him.  And because he's such a badass, he wants to skip all the preliminary stuff and go directly into a championship bout with Rocky!  That's out of the question, so instead Apollo Creed agrees to an exhibition match to see what this Ruskie's got.  And apparently he's got a lot, because in the second round...he beats Creed to death!!

Fueled by revenge and patriotic fervor, Rocky agrees to fight Drago...in Russia!!!  One advantage that Rocky has over Drago is his ghetto workout area.  For pretty much the entire series, whoever has the most rundown, shitty-looking workout area wins the big fight.  So while Drago is over here using computers and new-fangled equipment, Rocky is training in a functioning barn complete with cow farts, rocks, ropes, fire and a log...just like the Founding Fathers intended.

1985 was a great year for Sylvester Stallone.  Not only did he make the greatest Rambo movie of all time (RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II), but he also made what is arguably the most enjoyable Rocky movie of all time.  Even in 1985 money, ROCKY IV still made nearly double what ROCKY BALBOA did in 2006 money!  Yes, it's just formulaic propaganda, but it's so awesomely 80's you can't help but get all pumped up while watching it.  Highly recommended.

If there’s ever a course in film school called "How to Montage the Fuck Out of Your Movie", ROCKY IV will be shown on day one.

Part 1 - Rocky (1976)
Part 2 - Rocky II (1976)
Part 3 - Rocky III (1982)
Part 5 - Rocky V (1990)
Part 6 - Rocky Balboa (2006)
Part 7 - Creed (2015)
Part 8 - Creed II (2018)
Part 9 - Creed III