THE DICTATOR (2012)

Sacha Baron Cohen is the lifelong dictator of the fictional country of Wadiya. After the opening montage showing Cohen being a childish, spoiled butthole (living a life of luxury while his people starve, playing a video game where he kills Jews, holding his own Olympics where he always wins, etc.) Cohen goes to America to talk to the U.N. about his nuclear program. While in his hotel room, he's kidnapped by an assassin hired by his own right hand man and replaced by an imposter. Stuff happens and Cohen is soon working at a grocery store run by a hippy. Blah, blah, blah...he learns some life lessons and falls in love with a Jewish woman. Yawn.

When Cohen was on Howard Stern promoting his film he was very funny, but I couldn't see exactly where this film was going and now that I've watching it I still can't see what the point of it was. The jokes were only slightly funny, the love stuff was silly, the character of the dictator guy was an asshole, the crude humor wasn't crude enough or funny enough, the political aspects has been done better in other films and the spoiled leader down and out in NYC aspect was done much better in COMING TO AMERICA.

I didn't dislike the film, but it's not worth wasting your time with. I'll never watch it again as long as I live. Skip it. If you need me I'll be in my room listening to "Sexual Chocolate".

HELLRAISER: INFERNO (2000)

Detective Joseph Thorne is your average cop: crooked, abusive, dishonest...intelligent. Okay well maybe he's not average after all. One day while snorting coke, he's called to a murder investigation. After pocketing the money from the dead guy's wallet, Thorne also takes The Lament Configuration box that's found near the mutilated corpse. He then goes home long enough to insult his wife and traumatize his daughter before going to a seedy hotel and getting baked with a hooker.  Later on he starts messing around with the cube. Unlike the earlier movies, hooks and chains don't shoot out of the box followed by an entrance of Pinhead and Friends. Instead it starts a series of almost David Lynch-style nightmarish events. The hooker he was banging ends up dead and in order to save his own hide Thorne blackmails his partner by making it look like he killed the hooker! At the same time Thorne starts digging deeper into where the cube came from. The entire time he's haunted by visions of demons and everybody around him getting murdered.

Despite the fact that Pinhead is only in the movie for like 3 minutes(!!!) total HELLRAISER: INFERNO is an alright film. It's not really a straightforward horror film but more of a tripped out MULLHOLLAND DR.-style nightmare (and yes I realize MD wasn't even out when this film was made). If you're looking for a Pinhead-fest then you're going to be disappointed, but if you go into it with an open mind you might actually enjoy it. H:I would've definitely been improved with a larger budget, but for what it is it's an entertaining watch. Will I ever watch it again? Probably not, but I don't feel that my time was wasted either. Check it out...or not.

Part 1 - Hellraiser (1987)
Part 2 - Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)
Part 3 - Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)
Part 4 - Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996)
Part 6 - Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002)
Part 7 - Hellraiser: Deader (2005)
Part 8 - Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005)
Part 9 - Hellraiser: Revelations (2011)
Part 10 - Hellraiser: Judgement (2018)
Remake - Hellraiser (2022)

I've had weekends like this.

HELLRAISER: BLOODLINE (1996)

The film opens on a space station in the year 2127. There's only one dude, Paul Merchant, on the station and he's using a remote controlled robot to open up The Lament Configuration. He's doing this in order to call up Pinhead and then destroy him with his specially made trap. Right as this is about to happen some military dudes bust in and take him prisoner. During his interview he warns them that Pinhead is loose on the ship and tells them his backstory about how back 400 years ago a relative of his innocently created the box for this secretly evil dude who conjured forth the demon Angelique who is a buddy of Pinhead. Evil shit happens and blood is splattered all over the joint. Fast-forward to 1996 and another guy in Merchant's bloodline was an architect who designed the building seen at the end of Part 3. Angelique pieces together that this is where the cube is (remember the concrete at the end of 3?). This sets off a chain of events where it's the architect dude versus Pinhead, Angelique and their dog. Back in 2127, the army guys are quickly killed off by the Pinhead gang, so now it's up to Merchant to kill Pinhead once and for all...or whatever.

One refreshing thing about the HELLRAISER series is you never know what you're gonna get. I remember seeing HELLRAISER: BLOODLINE at the theater on opening day at the very first morning showing and being confused during the opening scene...a space station! What the fuck? But then when the story set in I really got into it and even bought that poster above. I still have it. I was so young that I even remember getting scared. Haha. Watching it again now, it's pretty dated and not scary at all, but still a fun ride. Pinhead talks a lot, Angelique is pretty awesome, the Chatter Dog is cool and the story is so out there you can't help but pay attention. It would've been nice if there had been more nudity, gore and a higher budget, but hey whatever. For a mid-90's horror flick I think H:B is a good movie and a nice addition to the HELLRAISER series. Definitely worth watching if you're a fan.

Also, according to IMDb Kenneth Tobey is listed as "Hologram-Priest (uncredited)" but I didn't see him.

Part 1 - Hellraiser (1987)
Part 2 - Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)
Part 3 - Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)
Part 5 - Hellraiser: Inferno (2000)
Part 6 - Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002)
Part 7 - Hellraiser: Deader (2005)
Part 8 - Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005)
Part 9 - Hellraiser: Revelations (2011)
Part 10 - Hellraiser: Judgement (2018)
Remake - Hellraiser (2022)