CHRISTMAS IN EVERGREEN (2017)

Northern Vermont (“So far north that on clear days, you might be able to see the north pole…”) small town veterinarian, Allie, has been in a long-distance relationship with Washington, D.C. dude, Spencer, for a few years now. But things are about to change cuz Allie is about to bust out of this dump and move to D.C. to get that dick on tap 24/7! Fuck yeah! The End. Merry Christmas, motherfuckers! Feliz Navijizz, you know what I’m sayin’?

But nope, the film gods have a GROUNDHOG DAY-style romantic cockblockin’ in store for Allie in the form of a handsome widower doctor and his annoying, I mean, adorable daughter. On the day that Allie is supposed to leave the picturesque town of Evergreen, her three hundred year old, bucket of bolts, rattle trap, piece of shit truck won’t start…at the exact same moment the beau hunk handsome doctor and his annoying daughter walk by. Naturally, they strike up a conversation and almost immediately Allie’s entire clitoral network is doing back flips. Then the roads are shut down due to the weather and Allie is stuck in the same winter wonderland as this handsome doctor. Will Allie stay faithful to Spencer who seems to be a perfectly normal guy? Will Allie cheat on Spencer with the single doctor and then in Part 2 Spencer goes insane and starts murdering couples on Christmas Day? Will Allie get with the handsome widower doctor and live happily together for 50 years, then when they die and go to Heaven, the doctor returns to his dead wife and Allie lives alone and miserable forever in Heaven? Or once alone in Heaven, will she restart her long-distance relationship with Spencer who is now in Hell? Will I get tired of coming up with goofy questions so I can publish this shit and go finish season 2 of Wednesday?

I actually really enjoy CHRISTMAS IN EVERGREEN and had a blast watching it. I had to watch the fucker twice since I was talking shit literally the entire movie. It was awesome. Good acting, Christmas decoration overdose, a weird side story about a magical (evil?) snow globe that grants wishes, also a creepy Santa dude walking around and people would talk to him and tell him their personal business simply because he has a beard, good pacing with a lot packed into the script, interesting characters, happy people...everywhere. It was insane.

If you're into this kind of thing, then CHRISTMAS IN EVERGREEN is totally worth checking out. I'd watch it again in a heartbeat.

One thing that I was curious about while watching this film is, does anybody actually celebrate Christmas to this extent? I know sometimes people give out gifts to their kids or whatever, but do people actually eat dinner together and talk to one another? There's no fucking way. It's gotta be a fictional concept. Like time-travel, witchcraft, teleportation or love between two human beings.