Nowadays, when first-time viewers sit their lazy, non-chiseled buttcheeks down to watch PORKY’S, they’re probably expecting a light-hearted, AMERICAN PIE-style romp about high schoolers goofing off and fingerfucking each other in the hallways between AP Biology and AP English Literature and Composition, but…nope. This shit, while it does have a few funny moments, is way darker than it needs to be. Kinda like the (unneeded) abusive boyfriend storyline in FOOTLOOSE. Most of the darkness is in the form of racism and violence. It’s honestly kinda mind-boggling at how PORKY’S was such a big hit back in ye olde 1981. Maybe it's because was released during a lull in the box office release calendar (pop quiz: you're in high school and going on a date, which new release are you more likely to go see? ON GOLDEN POND, QUEST FOR FIRE, MISSING, CHARIOTS OF FIRE or PORKY'S? ) or maybe audiences just enjoyed tasteless racist, bigoted, homophobic humor more back in the 1980’s. Probably a little bit of both.
Medium pace, a few (overrated) nude scenes, like maybe three scenes that are actually kinda funny, lots of depressing subjects played off as funny, dedicated acting by a strong cast, lots of vintage cars, cool looking vintage clothing and fashions, (as far as I can remember) not one single scene that actually took place inside a classroom (or even a school hallway), unfunny pranks. Overall, if you're interested in the origins of old ancient Tits & Ass comedies of the 1980's, then you don't have a choice but to check out PORKY'S. It's mandatory viewing, even if it's cringe and dated as fuck.
One dumb idea I had after re-watching PORKY'S for this review is it'd be amusing if somebody made a completely humorless and deadly serious, 4 hour legal drama about the consequences of all the laws broken in this film. Still called it PORKY'S 2, but instead of whatever PORKY'S 2 is actually about (I cannot remember), instead have the students and Porky's gang arrested and then face (probably) years in prison for dynamiting a bridge, multiple assaults, multiple counts of indecency, destroying a police car and badly damaging a second, demolishing an entire building with people inside it, etc. Also, in the super serious courthouse scenes, the Prosecution shows scenes from the movie as evidence. With nobody ever questioning how that can even be. How strange it is to be anything at all.
PORKY'S reboot idea: Pee Wee isn't as annoying as he is in the original, zero racist bullshit, zero scenes or reference to a whorehouse (have "Porky's" be a local mom & pop video store where people hang out in the parking lot and inside the store), zero creepy sex crime shower peeping, a more diverse cast, preferably cast members who actually look less than 30, way more nudity, more high school drama, way more cheerleaders, way more nudity (both male and female and anything else), an awesome soundtrack, at least 40% of the characters gay and / or trans, multiple scenes taking place during the Friday night Main Street car cruising traffic jam and since it's set in 1981 there should be at least one video store customer complaining that THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW isn't on VHS or laserdisc yet. (1990 and 1992, in case you're curious)
Part 2 - Porky's II: The Next Day (1983)
Part 3 - Porky's Revenge! (1985)
