RIGHTEOUS TIES (2006)

So how do you ruin a revenge movie about a inhumanly tough gangster "slasher" who's arrested, refuses to squeal on his boss and is sent to prison only to have his gang do absolutely nothing when another gang attacks his parents which then forces him to lead a prison escape so he can get revenge on both gangs?!

Number one, about every 10 minutes you have some slow-motion scene with emotional, sappy music playing. Number two, to just throw in random straight up comedy moments in all over the place. Number three, you make the story way more confusing than it needs to be.

The idea for this movie is great! I love revenge movies, I love Korean gangster movies, I love prison escape movies! This movie has a lot of great shit going for it, but fuck this script is a piece of shit. Skip this stinker altogether. A few of the funny moments were actually funny and some of the action scenes were actually exciting, but as a complete package RIGHTEOUS TIES is a mess and not worth the time I wasted watching it.

TEEN WOLF (1985)

Twenty-three year old teenager Scott Howard is fed up with living in a small town where nothing ever happens. Well one day something happens: he turns into a werewolf during the middle of a high school basketball game! Strange thing is, outside of a couple of gasps, nobody freaks out and they continue playing!  Soon after, he's transform from nerd to top dog on campus and even main hot chick on campus wants him [insert doggystyle joke here] much to the jealousy of her jock boyfriend.

TEEN WOLF is a fun 1980's high school flick that teeters on being great, but it never quite gets there.  There's tons of great moments, but yet the whole thing seems to be missing that certain magic to catapult it into true cult status.  I think a lot of that (and I have no proof of this) is it was released only a month after BACK TO THE FUTURE.  The studio must have rushed it.  Also, if you look at director Rod Daniel's resume he hasn't done anything worth a damn since TEEN WOLF...BEETHOVEN'S 2ND, HOME ALONE 4, HOW TO MARRY A BILLIONAIRE: A CHRISTMAS TALE.

Werewolf playing basketball, 80's high school party, montage, bowling, van surfing, crew visible, camera dolly tracks visible, random person with their pants undone, secondary cast that could have been better, weak soundtrack that could have definitely been better, glowing eyeballs, the same house from BTTF, 80's fashions.  Worth a watch or two.

Part 2 - Teen Wolf Too (1987)

SEX AND ZEN (1991)

[Update 4/14/2020: I really need to 100% redo this entire review. Just have to find the time.]

A flying thief. Lots of attractive naked chicks. A guy with a surgically transplanted horse cock. Those three things right there should've made this the most entertaining movie of all time, but somehow despite everything it still turned out boring. Don't get me wrong it had a few funny moments (the surgery scene), but for the most part I was begging for it to end.

I have no idea how somebody could make a movie with so many sex scenes boring, but the makers of this stinker figured it out. Skip this turd. If you're looking for a good Category III movie, watch A CHINESE TORTURE CHAMBER STORY or THE FORBIDDEN LEGEND: SEX & CHOPSTICKS instead.