Monday, October 31, 2011

DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978)

"When there's no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth."

DAWN OF THE DEAD opens with a brilliant shot of a reddish/orange carpeted wall. The shot pulls back to reveal a woman, Francine, curled up leaning against the wall. She's having an intense nightmare, but the nightmare is most likely a Paradise compared to the Hell she soon wakes up to. She works in a TV studio and everything is in chaos. They're still broadcasting a live show, but the crew is in revolt and most likely nobody is even watching because the world is in the middle of a full blown zombie apocalypse! Fran and her boyfriend, Stephen (a helicopter pilot), decide to leave later that night in a stolen helicopter.

The action then moves to an apartment building where the tenants have holed up. The SWAT team raids the place to kill the zombies hidden inside. During the raid, one of the SWAT guys goes fucking bonkers and starts killing everybody, living and dead. After the building is cleared out, two coppers, Roger and Peter, decide to to escape along with Fran and Stephen. They do.  Once in the air, they observe some rednecks and Army guys having a good 'ol time while getting drunk and blasting their undead neighbors. After an exciting run-in at a fueling station, the four land on the top of a shopping mall to get some much needed sleep.

They soon realize they don't even know where they are going and the mall could actually be a good place to stay until they decide on a concrete plan of action. Like busy little worker bees they systematically go about securing the mall. First learning the layout and safest routes, then stocking up and using nearby tractor trailers to block the doors. Finally they hunt and exterminate all of the zombies that remain inside. Now they got themselves a perfectly safe little kingdom, but for how long will it remain safe...and are the zombies the thing they need to fear the most?

Watching it again now, it is dated, but the story and the characters and the intense drama are all so strong that you'd have to be a total dick not to get all wrapped up in the movie and let your imagination run while. Every character that comes on the screen (both humans and zombies) I like to create little stories in my head about how they got to this point. Did you know that the baseball player dude killed a little boy he was molesting then during mid-corpse rape the boy came alive and bit the dude's tallywacker off?! Well, you would have, if you lived in my brain, Stupid! Hahaha. You're so dumb.

The structure of the film is probably the most brilliant thing about the movie. The way all of the action stays on the four main characters and the viewer almost feels like we're an invisible fifth person. Outside of a few understandable (and human under extreme stress conditions), the four do most of the things that you or I would do and that just adds to the intensity of the film.

There's a few negative things I could say (altered ending, multiple crew sightings), but I won't. DAWN OF THE DEAD is probably the greatest and most influential zombie/ horror films ever made. It is a masterpiece. Watch it...over and over and over and never be disappointed.

[Update 05/27/2024: Just got home from watching DAWN OF THE DEAD yet again in the movie theater, this time with a live musical performance by Goblin, and I still love this movie. I think this makes like 7 or 8 times that I've seen it in the theater and it's always fun.]

Part 1 - Night of the Living Dead (1968)
Part 3 - Day of the Dead (1985)
Part 4 - Land of the Dead (2005)
Part 5 - Diary of the Dead (2007)
Part 6 - Survival of the Dead (2009)
Remake - Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Monday, October 24, 2011

HELLRAISER: REVELATIONS (2011)

I want to fucking die. Everything in my goddamn life is shit and the one fucking thing that gives me just a little bit of happiness is watching movies. Briefly forgetting about my shit life and how I wish I had a time machine so I could go back in time, sneak into my mother's house, creep up on myself as a baby sleeping peacefully in my crib, pull out a hammer and bashing my infant self into mush as I disappear BACK TO THE FUTURE-style with a smile on my face. So yesterday, after yet another shit-filled day, I settle down to watch the new HELLRAISER movie. I love the HELLRAISER series, so I was excited about another installment. And what happens? Within 5 minutes I wanted to kill, within 10 I wanted to kill then kill myself, within 15 I wanted to kill the entire planet and within 20 I wished I was watching a Will Smith movie instead.

The film opens with some annoying, shaky "home movie" footage of two annoying douchers driving down to Mexico to get drunk and fuck prostitutes. During the whore-fucking, the lead doucher kills a hooker and the other douche bro buddy freaks out. So they do the wise thing and go drinking.  At some shitty bar, a hobo gives them the infamous puzzle box and before you can say "Clive Barker must be spinning in his grave." BOOM! out pops the cenobites like a bunch of acrobats, along with ol' Pinhead...except that it's not ol' Pinhead!  It's a new and unimproved Pinhead who looks like a fucking dork! He even has a belly.  What the fuck?  There was even a shorter Mini-Pinhead.  I have no idea what that was about.

Stuff happens and I cussed a lot...so, at least, my friend got some laughs out of my misery.  He later said "It looked like the Cenobites were torturing you, by making you watch the movie." Take my advise though and skip the fuck out of this movie. I could go into the story, but it's not important.  There are no redeeming values at all. Complete garbage. Everybody involved with this blasphemous turd should be ashamed of themselves.

Part 1 - Hellraiser (1987)
Part 2 - Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)
Part 3 - Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)
Part 4 - Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996)
Part 5 - Hellraiser: Inferno (2000)
Part 6 - Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002)
Part 7 - Hellraiser: Deader (2005)
Part 8 - Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005)
Part 10 - Hellraiser: Judgement (2018)
Remake - Hellraiser (2022)