FARGO (1996)

"You're darn tootin'!"

How could anybody not like FARGO? This movie is awesome in it's quiet, unique little way. William H. Macy is in trouble. He works as a car salesman at a car dealership owned by his father-in-law and he's in some severe financial problems, so he, before the film, concocts this destination failure plan of hiring two criminals to kidnap his wife and using the ransom to pay off his debt. As the film opens, he promises the kidnappers $40,000, but in reality he's going to demand a million! Ballsy motherfucker. After the kidnapping, things gets out of control and local small town police chief (and seven months pregnant) Frances McDormand is called in to investigate. She's a little awkward and she doesn't appear to be in much of a hurry, but her brain is steady ticking and each step brings her closer to solving the crime.

It's probably best I don't give anymore away, but I love the pace of this movie. It might be considered slow, by some people, but I thought it was perfect. It's almost like reading a really good criminal thriller short story. Even better than the pacing and the script is the acting. It's phenomenal. Everybody involved all the way down to the bit part was great. Frances McDormand won Best Actress for her performance.

I'm sure it was planned, but I love Frances' expression when she stepped in that hole in the snow.

CLUB DREAD (2004)

[This review is for the original 104-minute version.  The unedited 119-minute version has a slower pace and is nowhere near as entertaining.]

Comedy slasher film CLUB DREAD is a better slasher movie than 40% of legitimate Slasher movies (I'm looking at you Jason Goes To Hell, you pigfucking piece of shit.). The story is about a Slasher movie-style murderer killing the dick out of everybody on a private resort island ran by a 3rd-rate Jimmy Buffett burnout named Coconut Pete, brilliantly played by Bill Paxton. The Broken Lizard guys are all employees on the island.

After the standard Slasher movie opening kill scene, we're introduced to Lars (who is a new employee) arriving with a new boatload of vacationers. The boat leaves and now they're all alone on the island with no way off. Partying ensues. Before too long the killings are discovered by the employees, but, with their only radio destroyed, the staff are forced to keep the murders secret (or risk starting a mass panic) and catch the killer themselves.

That might sound serious, but it's not. The entire movie is the Broken Lizard guys up to non-stop crazy (and hilarious) shit.  Fast pace, solid direction, entertaining story, mild tit action, tons of quotable lines. I've seen CLUB DREAD probably 25 times over the years and it's still a fun watch.  Recommended for sure.

It'd make a great double-feature with THE SLAMMIN' SALMON.

Not part of the review: It'd be funny if the Broken Lizard team made a CLUB DREAD 2, but made it 100% absolutely serious as shit.  I'm talking INSIDE-level viewer trauma. Keep the same silly title font, lighthearted poster artwork and upbeat opening credits, then just brutally eyeball fuck the audience to death. Give 'em a really extraordinary case of the wonky britches.

WRONG TURN (2003)

"We are never going into the woods again!"

A traffic jam on the main highway causes some not so bright city slickers to make the unbelievably bad decision to drive down an unmarked road in the deep woods of West Virginia.  Booby traps on the road put their vehicles out of commission.  Now on foot, the group head off in search of a phone or a ride. Instead, they find a fully functioning family of freaky fiends who fancy feasting on human French fried fritter flanks and furiously fucking their funholes. Your standard kill-chase-hide-fight story happens next.  It's fun.

For a light version of THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE / THE HILLS HAVE EYES story, populated with some of the younger familiar faces of the time, WRONG TURN isn't too bad. There's never any extreme violence or over the top tension, but the pace is nice and the acting is good.  Zero gore, zero nudity, the source for a sound clip used in Splatterhouse's "Night of the Creeps", the red-haired chick looking hot as fook(!!!), scary-looking mutants, lots of tight shirts.

Nothing special, but you could definitely do worse.  I've watched it a few times over the years and it's always entertaining.  Check it out.

Part 2 - Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007)
Part 3 - Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead (2009)
Part 4 - Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings (2011)
Part 5 - Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines (2012)
Part 6 - Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort (2014)
Reboot - Wrong Turn (2021)