SOUL SURVIVORS (2001)

[Update 08/18/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

Tired of partying with a bunch of college dorks, our four heroes go to a rave at an old abandoned building. After dancing like idiots, they have some relationship drama then wreck their car. One guy dies, but the other three are well...I don't want to give too much away, so let's just say it's stupid and unoriginal.

How SOUL SURVIVORS ever got financed is a mystery cause if somebody had come to my office with that garbage script I would've tossed them out on their ear. Unfortunately, it did get made and unleashed upon the world destined to stink up $1 movie bins everywhere.

Skip the shit out of this movie. The story is painfully unoriginal, zero gore, zero blood, zero attractive tits, non-threatening bad guys, bad camerawork, leather pants, cliches everywhere. Other than making fun of it along with your friends, I can't think of one good reason to watch this turd.

On a funny note: SOUL SURVIVORS cost $17m but only made $4.3 worldwide at the box office. Hahahaha!

MUTANT HUNT (1987)

I don't think anybody has ever mistaken MUTANT HUNT for a great movie...if they have they're a fucking idiot, but it is a fun movie (to laugh at) and sometimes that's all you need.

Set in the near future, MUTANT HUNT tells the heartwarming story of a bunch of peaceful cyborgs who like to get high. One of the side effects of a cyborg getting high is they get pleasure from killing humans. Sounds reasonable enough. Humanity's only hope at stopping these bloodthirsty "jellyheads" is tighty-whitey wearing, robot bounty hunter Matt Riker. Aaaaannd that's about it. Matt and his buddies wander around deserted industrial areas, fight a few robots, mention the "space shuttle sex massacre", eat Chinese take out, fight some punks, elbow a woman in the face and eventually locate the evil dude that drugged the cyborgs and kick his ass. The End.

Only worth watching if you're into this sort of super low budget, 80's action garbage and even then I don't recommend watching it alone. Boredom might set in. I was almost in a full blown coma by final showdown, but with some like-minded friends over you should have a fun time.

Clothing visible even though she's getting out of the shower.

I'LL ALWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (2006)

IAKWYDLS (or IKWYDLS3 as I like to call it) has no connection with either IKWYDLS or ISKWYDLS. There's some mention of a Fisherman legend or whatever, but that's it. The film opens with a group of nerds hanging out at a carnival. Suddenly, The Fisherman shows up and starts chasing people around. Ends up it's just a stupid prank by the teenagers, but when they find out somebody died during the prank chaos they all swear to keep the joke a secret. I'm sure you can guess what happens next? That's right, the Fisherman's ghost travels from his grave in the Caribbean all the way to Colorado to haunt these goobers and chase them around with a hook and send them text messages.

Graded against every other Slasher movie ever made in the last 10 years IAKWYDLS is about average since nearly every Slasher movie ever made in the last 10 years pretty much sucks. Poopy looking special effects, dead in the water story, annoying characters, zero gore, very little blood, silly looking bad guy and worse of all is just the way the general look of the movie. I don't know what you call that grainy/lame colour effect, but it sucked. I say skip this turkey with a vengeance and never look back. The only redeeming value IAKWYDLS has it it stars that girl from the underrated insect attack movie INFESTATION, but sadly she's totally wasted here.

Part 1 - I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)
Part 2 - I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)

More like 92 minutes, amirite?