CHILDREN OF THE CORN (1984)

A woman and her boyfriend are driving through Nebraska when a young boy runs out of cornfield and directly in front of their car.  That's pretty fucked up, but not as fucked up as the fact that his throat had already been slashed!  Eek!  Anyway, they smash the fuck out of the lil' bastard and after some deliberation, they decide to take him to the closest town.  Which unfortunately, for them, is Gatlin.  Not only does Gatlin not have any internet, but it also doesn't have any adults...because the children murdered all of them three years earlier!

Now you might ask yourself "How is it that in three years, nobody has noticed that the entire adult population of Gatlin is missing?"...but you won't get any answers, so just accept it and roll with it.  So, anyway, now we have this town full of wacky-ass murderous children, I mean, it's gotta be pretty crazy, huh?!  They're probably all insane, feral, WRONG TURN-style cannibals that use their chiseled teeth to rip the dicks off any men or women who happens to wander into town, right?  Wrong, they're just a bunch of boring, super religious kooks who sit around worshiping something called "He Who Walks Behind the Rows".  Whatever that means.

Zero nudity, very little blood, zero gore, low body count, non-threatening kids acting like they're dangerous, lame boss fight.  Honestly, the highlight of the movie was Linda Hamilton's lip syncing musical number.  It was wonderfully terrible.

I'd love to see a version of the story where the kids actually do something or a version where some badass drives through town and beats all of the kids to death.  Or how about a COOL AS ICE / CHILDREN OF THE CORN crossover?  CHILDREN OF THE CORN versus CRITTERS?  Anyway, if you need me, I'll be in my room hoping that the sequels are better.

Part 2 - Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992)
Part 3 - Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995)
Part 4 - Children of the Corn: The Gathering (1996)
Part 5 - Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror (1998)
Part 6 - Children of the Corn 666: Isaac's Return (1999)
Part 7 - Children of the Corn: Revelation (2001)
Part 8 - Children of the Corn: Genesis (2011)
Part 9 - Children of the Corn: Runaway (2018)
Remake - Children of the Corn (2009)

CLOAK & DAGGER (1984)

A young boy (who has pretty much zero parental supervision) witnesses a murder. The man, right as he's dying, gives the boy an Atari cartridge and tells him to go to the FBI with it.  Being an idiot, the little boy listens to his imaginary friend instead of the dying man and does everything in the world except go to the FBI.  Bad guys chase him around for the rest of the movie.  People die.

I like the basic idea for CLOAK & DAGGER (young boy is being chased by bad guys and nobody believes him), but the execution of the story is really bizarre.  He gets police attention immediately after the first murder, but then clams up thanks to his imaginary friend, so the cops just take him home.  Everything that happens after that is his own fault.  The story would have been more compelling, if he had gotten the attention of the FBI and then something went wrong.  Example: he gets kidnapped or maybe a crooked FBI agent double-crosses him.  Anything would have been better than his self-created danger, but then again, kids are mostly stupid, so I'm kinda dumb for thinking that he's going to act logical.

That said, C&D is still entertaining, especially for fan's of 80's kid's movies.  Dabney Coleman is very good in his double role, screenplay by Tom (FRIGHT NIGHT, CHILD'S PLAY) Holland, old video game graphics, 80's fashions, early William Forsythe sighting, a very delightful John McIntire and Jeanette Nolan appearance (that really made my day), bland San Antonio locations, a wannabe Hitchcock feel to the entire film, strange younger girl next door character who talks like she's 45 years-old despite the fact that she's probably less than 10.  I liked CLOAK & DAGGER, but, I think, it would have been a better film in the hands of stronger director.  

Another curious thing about CLOAK & DAGGER is why in the hell did the people in charge of this movie allow it to be released during the 1984 Summer Olympics and then up against other youth oriented films like GHOSTBUSTERS, GREMLINS, RED DAWN, THE LAST STARFIGHTER, THE KARATE KID, THE JUNGLE BOOK (re-issue), INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM, THE NEVERENDING STORY and THE MUPPETS TAKE MANHATTAN???  Jesus wept!  Talk about shooting yourself in the foot!  That is just pure insanity.