CRISIS (1946)

[Update 03/15/2022: Deleting review. Need to rewatch this film and redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

MONSTERS (2010)

A woman and a man journey on foot from Mexico through the "Infected Zone" to America. "What's the Infected Zone?", you ask. Well, that's where these aliens who look like giant octopuses made out of Christmas lights landed 6 years ago and now they stroll around doing...well, uh, well I actually have no idea what they do, because even though I watched this entire movie, the space octopuses were only onscreen for a few minutes and they just stood there doing nothing.

Outside of cheating gullible suckers out of their money, what is the point of this movie?! I love alien invasion movies and giant monster movies, so I was stoked about watching it, but all it ended up being was these two dorks just walking around. The End.

Skip this clunker with a vengeance. If you need me I'll be in my room watching STARSHIP TROOPERS while performing a Flip 6 3 Hole.

Part 2 - Monsters: Dark Continent (2014)

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET: THE DREAM CHILD (1989)

Once again, the makers of the Freddy series prove they have absolutely no idea what the audience wants.  We want badass kills that'll make you jump up and yell "Oh, shit!!!", Freddy acting like a total asshole, hot naked chicks and some hot naked dudes (gotta be fair to everybody), a couple of good laughs, lots of scares, awesome photography, badass music, creepy atmosphere, quick pace, easy to follow story, sexy clothes...I could go on, but you get the idea.  Unfortunately, none of that stuff happens in ANOES5.

The two survivors from Part 4, Alice and Dan, are still together...and they're expecting a baby!  Awww.  Congratulations!  Too bad Freddy's shows back up and somehow starts messing with the baby's dreams.  Good lord, people get paid actual money to write this shit?!

Lame characters, low body count (3), goofy kills, zero nudity, low water pressure in the shower, average acting, rubbish story, Freddy turning into a motorcycle, Freddy riding a skateboard, Freddy wearing a shiny sweater.  Honestly, this movie is pretty crappy, but I've still seen this movie like 20 times.

Part 1 - A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
Part 2 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)
Part 3 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)
Part 4 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)
Part 6 - Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)
Part 7 - Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)
Freddy vs Jason (2003)
Remake 1 - A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)