TWO-LANE BLACKTOP (1971)

[Update 03/03/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

Two young dudes (one a driver, the other a mechanic) are driving aimlessly all over the country looking for cars to race for a quick buck. One day a young girl climbs into their car and they just drive off without a word. Later at a gas station they start talking to a dude about racing.  They decide to drive across country to Washington D.C. for their pink slips. They take off, but soon the race is forgotten and the rest of the movie is just these people driving around and around. The End.

If you're looking for a race movie (like I was) then you're going to be disappointed, but despite that I still kinda liked this movie a little, but I'm not sure why. There was just something about the feel of the movie that I found appealing. I especially liked the surrealism of the final scene.

After watching the film I read a few articles/reviews and I think the quote that sums the film up best is "a fascinatingly bleak and oblique road movie that perfectly nails the bummed-out malaise of the early 70s"...a.k.a. post-EASY RIDER bullshit where the confused studios were looking for a quick buck.  If that sounds exciting to you then check it out. Or if you're you're actually looking for some 70's hot rodding in your 70's hot rod movie then watch DIRTY MARY CRAZY LARRY instead.

THE LAST SHARK (1981)

A huge shark starts attacking people in the waters surrounding a small coastal city.  And to make matter even worse...it's right before their big windsurfing competition!!!  People get eaten and lots of stock footage of clearly different types of sharks is shown until finally the townsfolk have had enough and decide to kill the beast.  A guy with a helicopter goes out to catch the shark (he doesn't, but the shark does end up catching him!); some divers confront the shark with dynamite, but the shark chases him into a cave and then smashes the rocks until it closes up the entrance (wow!); a group of teenagers go hunting for the shark with a shotgun and one of 'em comes back minus a leg (that scene was awesome); an overzealous TV reporter chains a giant hunk of meat to a dock and the dock gets pulled out to sea along with a bunch of people on it (what the hell?) and in maybe my favorite scene: the shark hits a small boat and the dude standing in the boat goes flying straight up into the air!  It was hilarious.

Yeah, this is a JAWS (and JAWS 2) ripoff, but in the right state of mind it's very funny.  I don't understand why Steven Spielberg had to be a sore sport and sue the makers of this film. Yes, it has a lot of similarities to the first two JAWS films, but the movie is so goddamn shitty that now all I want to do is watch JAWS again just to see a good shark movie!

Zero nudity, mediocre acting, terrible music, shitty looking shark, lots of stock footage, American flags everywhere (that'd actually make a good drinking game), fake looking helicopter crash...THE LAST SHARK is a turd, but it makes up for it in laughs.

LATE BLOOMER (2004)

A physically disabled serial killer with massive blue balls is an interesting idea for a movie, but the script for LATE BLOOMER doesn't hold up for the full 83 minutes. Not even close. Trim off 45 minutes and you might have something.

Sumida is physically disabled as fuck, but he seems to be completely mentally aware and can get around pretty good when it comes to walking. He has two caregivers that help him and one, an older lady, has a cute niece who wants to visit Sumida for a few weeks so she can write a college paper on caring for the disabled. She comes over an Sumida is smitten with her almost a quickly as she's smitten with Sumida's other caregiver: a handsome singer for a rock band. Sumida is too innocent to even notice this at first, but once he does he goes bonkers and...well, you'll just have to see for yourself, but I don't really recommend that you do cause the shit is too long-winded and boring. Worst of all when it finally gets to the ending it's a complete letdown.

Kudos for the interesting idea and actually casting physically disabled people in the film, but there's way too much filler.