Monday, August 16, 2010

GOLDFINGER (1964)

This is a little more like what I expected when I started reviewing the James Bond series. You have a unique villain, a great henchman, a bunch a crazy gadgets, multiple opportunities for the bad guys to kill Bond (...and they never do), an overly elaborate evil plan and an old unattractive woman as Bond's sex interest...well, I guess we can't get everything we want.

Bond is sent to investigate some evil asshole called Goldfinger who's a freak for gooooooold! Stuff happens and Goldtesticles men capture Bond and tie him to a table and are about to cut his dick off with a frickin' laser when Goldscrotum has a change of mind and spares his life. Bond is now transported to America where Goldhorsepussy plans of doing a job on Fort Knox. Naturally Goldcolums of morgagni tells Bond fucking everything before hand! It's fucking stupid, but that's what makes it so much fun.

Good movie and definitely a step in the right direction, but it's still not as Bond-ish as I was hoping for...I'm starting to get worried that none of the Bond films are going to be a crazy as I had envisioned.

My biggest complaint is there wasn't any sexy broads in the entire movie! There's one attractive leftover from FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE, but we've already seen her before. The main chick in this movie, Pussy Galore, might have had pussy galore, but I didn't want to see it. She looked old to me and way below what I envision Bond's standards to be.

Still, outside of the lack of pussy galore it's a good film and by far the best of the three films I've seen so far.

Two thunderballs out of five.

Part 1 - Dr. No (1962)
Part 2 - From Russia With Love (1963)
Part 4 - Thunderball (1965)
Part 5 - You Only Live Twice (1967)
Part 6 - On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)
Part 7 - Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
Part 8 - Live and Let Die (1973)
Part 9 - The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)
Part 10 - The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
Part 11 - Moonraker (1979)
Part 12 - For Your Eyes Only (1981)
Part 13 - Octopussy (1983)
Part 14 - A View to a Kill (1985)
Part 15 - The Living Daylights (1987)
Part 16 - License to Kill (1989)
Part 17 - GoldenEye (1995)
Part 18 - Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
Part 19 - The World Is Not Enough (1999)
Part 20 - Die Another Day (2002)
Part 21 - Casino Royale (2006)
Part 22 - Quantum of Solace (2008)
Part 23 - Skyfall (2012)
Part 24 - Spectre (2015)
Part 25 - No Time to Die (2021)

Non-Eon James Bond films:
Casino Royale (1967)
Never Say Never (1983)