FROM HELL (2001)

On a scale of 0 - 10 I'd give FROM HELL a solid 4. The story of Jack the Ripper is one of the greatest in all of serial killer history, but yet the makers of this movie somehow figured out a way to make it dry and boring, even with an talented an actor as Johnny Depp in the main role.

Depp plays a police inspector who is aided by psychic visions (say what?), he also likes to "chase the dragon" with the help of opium and absinthe. Depp is not surprised when the first murder happens because he saw it all in a dream.  Oh brother! The victim is a prostitute and as Depp delves deeper into the mystery he discovers that there is a organized conspiracy afoot! He also discovers that he would like to delve deep into hooker Heather Graham.

That's all well and good (even though I'm not much of a believer in the cult conspiracy theory), but the overall feel of the movie is just wrong. It feels like a movie. Everything looks like a movie set and I wasn't drawn into the story for even a second. Very little blood, zero gore, zero tits, zero tension, not dark or gritty at all, small amount of cleavage, nothing new to add to the Jack the Ripper story and a script so pathetic I'm actually surprised that this film even got made. Out of all of the hundreds of Jack the Ripper scripts that I'm sure are floating around Hollywood this was the best one?!! Bullshit. Skip it with a vengeance.

If you need me I'll be in my room reading Caleb Carr's masterful "The Alienist". Yes, I know it has nothing to do with the Jack the Ripper case, but it's still awesome!

If there was really cheap hookers like this (the one on the left) back in 1888 then I'm gonna go fire up the ol' time machine! BRB.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (1984)

It's hard to believe, but once upon a time (long before the guitar gif, the video game scene, the 900 number, the Satanawful rap video, the cheesy one-liners, the sellout brand marketing or the soulless remake)...Fred Krueger was actually a serious character!

I'm sure you already know the story to this original horror classic (a child molester is cornered by a group of vigilante parents and burned alive..now, years later, the children are teenagers and he's back to haunt their dreams and kill them) and have seen it a dozen times, but what struck me the most while re-watching this film, for this review, is it's actually pretty dark and Freddy is kinda scary! I'm sure back in 1984 this movie was freaking mainstream audiences out!

That said, I'm still disappointed in Freddy's complete lack of sex drive, you would think that...since he was a fucking sex pervert...that maybe he'd still be trying to get his dick wet with some unwilling teenagers, but nope.  I'd love to see A SERBIAN FILM-style "reboot" of the ELM STREET franchise with Freddy being a total perv.

Anyway, even though it's kinda dated and the ending reminds me of HOME ALONE, I still love this movie and that's not just the nostalgic feeling of being raised in the 80's talking. A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET is a well made film and one of the most influential horror films of the 80's.

Required viewing for horror fans.

Part 2 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)
Part 3 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)
Part 4 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)
Part 5 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)
Part 6 - Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)
Part 7 - Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)
Freddy vs Jason (2003)
Remake 1 - A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

That cat poster is dope.