Friday, November 25, 2011

THE BURNING (1981)

"Hey, I told you to not beat on your schlong last night!"

The kids at a summer camp pull a prank on the goofy looking caretaker named Cropsy. The prank goes horribly wrong and Cropsy ends up burnt to a crisp. Five years later(!!!) he's released from the hospital and his first item of business is picking up a hooker. She gasps at his gnarly face and he rewards her with a blade in her fat belly.

Camp is back in session and for the next 40 minutes or so there's no killing, just camp hijinks and superhorny teenage hormones.  It's awesome. Cropsy lurks in the shadows watching the kids, but he doesn't do anything. He waits until a group of the older kids go on an overnight canoe adventure before he strikes and holy fook it's bad ass!!! The raft massacre scene alone is worth watching the movie.

Outside of SLEEPAWAY CAMP and some of the FRIDAY THE 13TH films, THE BURNING is my favorite camp slasher. The campers are a really colorful bunch and honestly I would have been happy if Cropsy had never even showed up. I was having enough fun just following all the silly shit the campers did. Impressive camerawork, nudity, an Ester Williams reference, hilarious 80's fashions, a random kid pouring pepper into other kid's milk, girl laughing at water splashed onto camera and a lot of familiar faces among the young cast including Jason Alexander, Brian Backer, Fisher Stevens and Holly Hunter. Also the special effects were by Tom Savini who passed up on FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 to do THE BURNING!

Enjoyable movie. Check it out.

WRONG TURN 2: DEAD END (2007)

WRONG TURN 2: DEAD END might not be as polished as the original, but what it lacks in fancy cameras and better known actors it makes up for in a faster pace, more violence, a light-hearted script, brief tits, waaay more gore and...Henry Rollins.  What the hell?

A group of annoying jackholes gather in the deep woods to shoot a pilot for a ridiculous sounding post-apocalyptic survivalist reality show. As soon as they set off into the woods, a family of mutated, massively inbred hillbillies start picking them off and collecting their meat for a TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE-style family dinner, complete with a female guest tied to a chair at the end of the table.

And that's about it. The script probably took less time to write than it did for me to watch the movie, but for what it is it's passable and better than the majority of hillbilly cannibal horror movies out there.  My friends and I watch it occasionally and we always laugh our asses off.  Although, I do wish at least one of the females had been attractive!

Part 1 - Wrong Turn (2003)
Part 3 - Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead (2009)
Part 4 - Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings (2011)
Part 5 - Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines (2012)
Part 6 - Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort (2014)
Reboot - Wrong Turn (2021)