JURASSIC PARK (1993)

"I'm, I'm simply saying that life, uh... finds a way."

An eccentric billionaire hires some scientists to come check out his top secret (but soon to be open) island theme park. Once there, the scientists (Sam Neill, Laura Dern and Jeff Goldblum) are shown the top secret attraction: fucking dinosaurs! And lots of 'em. You got the tall ones with the long necks, the fat ones with the horns, the short ones with the legs and a T-Rex. Say again? We got a T-Rex. They also have Velociraptors. As exciting as all that sounds, it gets even more exciting when all the dinosaurs escape and start chasing the humans all over the joint. Eek!

Just like he did with JAWS and the first few Indiana Jones movies, Steven Spielberg creates an imaginary world filled with rich characters, visually attractive environments and action scenes are awesome!!! It's like reading an Robert McCammon novel. The action just piles up and piles up. It's rad.

I was fortunate enough to see JURASSIC PARK on the big screen a few weeks ago and I'd kinda forgotten how awesome this movie was. I had a lot of fun revisiting it and even though I knew how it was going to end I was still on the edge of my seat, especially during the raptor chase scenes. Holy fook. I was also really shocked at how well the special effects held up. JP is nearly 20 years old and the effects still look great.

If you've never seen JURASSIC PARK then I'm not even sure what to think, but you need to fix that shit as soon as possible.  Mandatory viewing for all movie lovers.

Part 2 - The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
Part 3 - Jurassic Park III (2001)
Part 4 - Jurassic World (2015)
Part 5 - Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
Part 6 - Jurassic World: Dominion (2021)

MY SCARY GIRL (2006)

SO I MARRIED AN AXE MURDERER it's not. I watched this thinking the title MY SCARY GIRL was a play on the great MY SASSY GIRL, but no it has nothing at all to do with that masterpiece. Instead it's a highly unfunny, laugh-free comedy about a complete loser dude who falls for his unattractive neighbor. Once together he discovers that she has a troubling past. Most of the trouble dealing with the fact she's killed a few people!

Somehow Mike Myers turned that exact same story into a hilarious movie way back in 1993, but this version is a complete turkey. Not only did I not laugh once, but about halfway through I started to seriously doubt that it was even a comedy. The "lotion" line from THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS was funnier than anything in this movie. Skip it with a vengeance and disown anybody who tells you it's funny.

My advise: if you're in the mood for a Korean romantic-comedy/drama watch MY SASSY GIRL instead.

It's not often the filmmakers put an actual page from the script up on the screen.

AMERICAN WEDDING (2003)

About two or three laughs and that's it. In the opening scene Jim pops the question to Willow and they decide it would be best to keep Stifler away from the wedding. Naturally that doesn't happen.

There's a number of things I don't like about this movie. First off, there's 8 (fucking eight!!!) characters missing. Including Nadia!!! This is just unacceptable. It'd be one thing if the movie was still funny, but it's not. The majority of the humor is just recycled jokes from the original. Even more distracting is Stifler's now borderline intellectual disability. He's literally become Doug from GHOST WORLD.

My biggest complaint is it doesn't have the intimate feel of the first two films. Part 3 feels more like an imitation than a continuation. AMERICAN WEDDING is worth watching once, just to keep up with the storyline, but I would never watch it again. That one stripper did get naked though.

Part 1 - American Pie (1999)
Part 2 - American Pie 2 (2001)
Part 4 - American Reunion (2012)

THE DEADLY TOWER (1975)

[Update 07/08/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

Fresh off his touching portrayal of the Strongest Man in the World in THE STRONGEST MAN IN THE WORLD, Kurt Russell takes a dark turn in this made-for-television version of Charles Whitman's August 1, 1966 shooting rampage in Austin, Texas where he got his blast on and killed 16 people and wounded 32.

Kurt plays a satisfying Whitman, but as with a lot of these 70's TV movies THE DEADLY TOWER is very straightforward. Also, it's too tame for the subject matter. The film opens with Kurt reading a book about guns and looking very troubled. Afterwards, he kills his mother and his wife (both offscreen). Then it's on to the gun store and finally the tower where he quickly sets up shop and starts blasting. Eventually the cops make their way to the top and kill him. The End.

It was an entertaining watch, but I would never want to see it again. The main reason I rented it was to see Kurt Russell play a bad guy, but 95% of the time he never spoke or even showed any emotion. Skip it.

Fun Fact: I live in Austin and I have no fucking clue where this building is.

AMERICAN PIE 2 (2001)

Trying to follow up something as funny as the original AMERICAN PIE is a huge task, but I think they did a pretty good job. It's not better than the original, but there's some very funny parts, the character development feels natural and best of all Nadia is back!

All of the main characters are have returned and they're finishing up their first year of college. They rent a summer house on the lake to party and take up a house painting gig to help pay the rent. Jim finds out that Nadia is coming at the end of summer for a dick appointment. Nervous that he might be bad in bed, he asks the only woman he's ever been with (Willow) to train him on how to be an awesome lover. That's the main story, but of course Stifler gets into all kinds of sexual adventures, Jim gets into sexual misadventures and Finch gets into Stifler's mom.

There's nothing life-changing going on. Just a fun film with some enjoyable characters, which is more than I can say about the boring Part 3.

Part 1 - American Pie (1999)
Part 3 - American Wedding (2003)
Part 4 - American Reunion (2013)