Monday, August 16, 2010

NEGATIVE HAPPY CHAINSAW EDGE (2007)

Fucking horrible. A dork who can't even wear his pants correctly is walking home one evening when he sees a cute girl. He goes over to talk to her when this dude jumps off the fucking moon(?) and starts chopping shit up with his giant chainsaw!!! The girl stabs the dude in an open wound on his chest and he flies away. o_O

After that CGI enhanced, over-stylized flying around on wires fight scene we're treated to probably an hour or more of this guy talking. I hated his guts from the moment I saw him so I was in Hell. Finally towards the end there's another fight scene and it's the same ol' shit we saw earlier. Fuck this boring turd. Zero gore, medium attractive girl in a schoolgirl uniform, zero blood, zero tits, annoying as fuck script filled with way too much talking. Skip it.

When I saw the DVD cover I was expecting a gritty Japanese version of the original THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE but instead it's more akin to a Power Rangers episode or X-CROSS. Very disappointing. I love how the cover says "Uncut Special Edition"...what's to be "Uncut"?! This movie wouldn't even get a PG-13. I don't even think anybody even cussed once!

If anybody needs me I'll be in my room watching reruns of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and strokin it to Cordelia in that cheerleader outfit.