FAST FIVE (2011)

"Buster."

Awww yeah, boi!  Everybody's favorite gang, excuse me, "family" of anarchist, sociopath thieves is back and willing to kill and maim as many people as it takes to not get a day job.

This time around the gang is in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.  They pull off a car theft job, but things don't go as planned and before you can say "The laws of physics can suck my gear shift!" our heroes have both the American DEA and a local Brazilian drug lord (who owns the police) hot on their chiseled butt cheeks. It's all very silly, 1,000% unbelievable and...entertaining as fuck!!!  I don't even know how many times I've seen this goofy motherfucker.  A lot.  It's so goddamn crazy.  It seems the filmmakers decided to (wisely) transition the franchise away from the street racing aspect and into the more cartoonish heist caper story.  And it works.  Another wise decision was the addition of Dwayne Johnson as the main DEA agent tracking down the Toretto crime family.  His character is sooo over the top, it's hilarious.  This is the manliest motherfucker on the planet.  Even in scenes where nobody else is sweating, he's literally dripping sweat from just being so badass all the time.

Insanely quick pace that makes the 131-minute runtime fly by, overacting perfection, actors who are different heights looking eye to eye, Rio made to look like it's mainly made of up criminals, extremely impressive stunt work (FF is worth watching just for the stunts alone), lots of shooting and explosions, music, a lot of serious gear shifting with a purpose, beautiful locations and scenery...and some random warehouse locations, the world's strongest metal cable, funny / cheesy dialogue about honor and prayer while planning a robbery, exploding toilets, at least a hundred car wrecks.

Overall, FAST FIVE is fun as fook.  Total junk food Cinema and awesome. I've thought about double-featuring FAST FIVE with DHOOM 2, but was afraid the Universe might implode in on it's own unmanly butthole.

Part 1 - The Fast and the Furious (2001)
Part 2 - 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)
Part 3 - The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)
Part 4 - Fast & Furious (2009)
Part 6 - Fast & Furious 6 (2013)
Part 7 - Furious 7 (2015)
Part 8 - The Fate of the Furious (2017)
Spin-off 1 - Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (2019)
Part 9 - F9 (2021)
Part 10 - Fast X (2023)

TREMORS 5: BLOODLINES (2015)

I'm not sure how I feel about this one.  While I'm always grateful for an update to the Tremors universe, I was not a fan of the new edgy look or the aggressive attitude of this film.  Everybody just seemed so goddamn pissed off for the entire movie.  I enjoy the Tremors series because it's a light-hearted and exciting throwback to the awesome monster movies of the 1950's.  Not because I wanna see cranky, dingy dudes doing tricks on dirt bikes and drinking their own urine...not at the same time mind you.  That would have been fucking awesome!!!  Can you imagine that?  "Oi, crikey!  I'm gonna distract that Graboid by launching over it with me dirt bike while drinking me own pee-pee!"

Anyway, back to TREMORS 5.  It's okay.  Burt is now some kind of annoying survivalist huckster who makes videos of himself running around the desert eating snakes.  Word comes along about Graboid trouble in South Africa, so Burt and his annoying new cameraman (Jamie Kennedy) go check it out.  Once there, they talk a lot of shit and quickly find out that things are worse than they imagined.  It's mildly entertaining and seems to have more in common with a Sharknado movie than the original TREMORS.

Medium pace, lots of stupid dialogue, annoying camera shenanigans to make it look like a shitty TV show, dumb as hell end boss fight, a flying corkscrew Graboid, a lot of people that look like they need a bath.  Overall, it's watchable, but forgettable.  If this had been the very first Tremors film, nobody would have asked for a second.

Part 1 - Tremors (1990)
Part 2 - Tremors II: Aftershocks (1996)
Part 3 - Tremors 3: Back to Perfection (2001)
Part 4 (prequel) - Tremors 4: The Legend Begins (2004)
Part 6 - Tremors: A Cold Day in Hell (2018)

Part 7 - Tremors: Shrieker Island (2020)

MIDSOMMAR (2019)

[This review is for the theatrical 148-minute version. I also saw the 171-minute Director's Cut in the theater, but didn't care for it as much. The shorter version is superior.]

Dani is not having a good time.  Some serious family drama puts her in a very bad place emotionally and her dingus boyfriend is beyond worthless.  While in this fragile state, she makes the fateful decision to join her college student boyfriend and his buddies on a trip to a remote area in Sweden to study a midsummer celebration put on by a commune.  Once there, it quickly become obvious to the viewer that these people have watched Herschell Gordon Lewis' TWO THOUSAND MANIACS! way too many times, but our heroes don't realize this and continue on as things get more and more sinister.  It's great.

MIDSOMMAR is an awesome movie experience. I saw it in the theater four times.  The story itself is very good, but the thing that I enjoyed most is the feel and construction of the movie.  It's hard to explain, but the whole thing just felt ominous and hateful.  I loved it!  Beautiful photography, outstanding acting, perfect pacing, unnerving stuff going on in the background, Florence Pugh looking absolutely gorgeous, synchronized screaming, synchronized hypermourning, synchronized sex moaning, suicide, a hammer smashed face, an Austin Powers reference, a celebration of death, people who you don't want to see naked...naked, a woman with an unexplained fresh cut on her face, a bear and so much more.  Including a badass ending that left me wanting more.  It honestly felt like the movie was just revving up to the perfect speed and...it ends!  I loved it.  Ari Aster is quickly becoming one of my favorite modern directors.

Not sure why, but I think MIDSOMMAR would make an interesting double feature with SOCIETY.