YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE (1967)

When I first started reviewing the James Bond series I was pretty excited, but after the first few bored the shit out of me I started losing interest. It's been nine months since my last review on the series and after painfully trudging through this installment it might be nine more before the next one.

Something strange is going on: every time Russia or America send a spaceship up another larger craft comes along and gobbles it up. Sounds like a job for James Bond!  He fakes his death and travels undercover to Japan where he quickly infiltrates a building and steals some documents that lead him to a dormant volcano that's actually the lair for a bad guy who's trying to start a war between Russia and America. Naturally, Bond doesn't take kindly to this silly horseshit and punches a lot of people until peace is restored. He also bangs a few sluts.

As usual, everything looks very easy for James and the bad guys are ridiculously stupid. One time Bond is dead asleep and a dude sneaks in the house, crawls up in the ceiling then lowers a string down to drip poison into Bond's mouth! Why?!!!! If Bond is right there asleep just toss in like 20 hand grenades or something! Or maybe blow up the entire house with missiles from your army of helicopters. Jeez. Another time Bond is tied to a chair and instead of killing him they untie him, put him in a plane and then parachute out leaving the plane in a dive.  Naturally Bond karate chops his way over to the controls and lands the plane. I guess I'm over thinking the whole thing, but the film would have been much more enjoyable if the villains were actually competent.

Lots of James bond-style action, a few attractive hot chicks (especially Akiko Wakabayashi), way too little screen time for Donald Pleasence, beautiful Japanese scenery, a pool full of piranhas but we never see them...just their bubbles, helicopter dogfight, ninjas. The highlight of the movie for me, besides Dr. Loomis, was a short appearance by the legendary Tetsuro Tanba.

I say skip it.

One and a half Thunderballs out of five.

Part 1 - Dr. No (1962)
Part 2 - From Russia With Love (1963)
Part 3 - Goldfinger (1964)
Part 4 - Thunderball (1965)
Part 6 - On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)
Part 7 - Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
Part 8 - Live and Let Die (1973)
Part 9 - The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)
Part 10 - The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
Part 11 - Moonraker (1979)
Part 12 - For Your Eyes Only (1981)
Part 13 - Octopussy (1983)
Part 14 - A View to a Kill (1985)
Part 15 - The Living Daylights (1987)
Part 16 - License to Kill (1989)
Part 17 - GoldenEye (1995)
Part 18 - Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
Part 19 - The World Is Not Enough (1999)
Part 20 - Die Another Day (2002)
Part 21 - Casino Royale (2006)
Part 22 - Quantum of Solace (2008)
Part 23 - Skyfall (2012)
Part 24 - Spectre (2015)
Part 25 - No Time to Die (2021)

Non-Eon James Bond films:
Casino Royale (1967)
Never Say Never (1983)

HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS (1988)

Completely ignoring Part 3, which didn't even feature Michael (as a character in the film), Part 4 wisely brings back the series' cash cow: Michael Myers.

So now he's back (complete with funky looking padding underneath his coveralls) to kill his niece, Jamie (apparently Laurie had a kid!), played by Danielle Harris. It's not fully explained, but something happened to Laurie 11 months ago and now her daughter is living with a step-family. So anyway, even though Michael has "killed 16 people", the state decides to just send an ambulance with no guards to transport him to a new facility. As expected, Michael goes bonkers and kills his escorts, then returns to his old stomping grounds to kill his niece.  Dr. Loomis, the police and even a humorous gang of vigilantes are determined to stop him.

As far as the HALLOWEEN sequels go, H4 is just okay, but it is a lot of fun to laugh at.  Especially Michael's ridiculous padding and shitty looking mask. The kills were passable...thumb to the skull, shotgun rammed through a torso, a few stabbings, a throat ripping, Michael's patented face crushing technique and a few other odds and ends. My biggest complaint is we never see the police station massacre, just the aftermath. That's fucking bullshit!

No nudity, nice body count, plenty of stuff to laugh at, zero cheesy 80's rock, some blood, the worst looking Michael ever (well, outside of Part 7), poor lighting, dumb teenagers, quick pace, lackluster ending. Worth a watch for horror fans.

I would absolutely love to see a full-length movie about the Michael from HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS versus the lame Jason from FRIDAY THE 13TH: A NEW BEGINNING.

Part 1 - Halloween (1978)
Part 2 - Halloween II (1981)
Part 3 - Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
Part 5 - Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)
Part 6 - Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)
Part 7 - Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)
Part 8 - Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
Remake 1 - Halloween (2007)
Remake sequel - Halloween II (2009)
Sequel to Original - Halloween (2018)
Direct Sequel 2 - Halloween Kills (2021)
Direct Sequel 3 - Halloween Ends (2022)

Strange.  This advertisement for HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS features a picture of a kill from FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD.