HALLOWEEN II (2009)

"Fuck!  Fuck!  Fuck!  Fuck!  Fuck.  Fuck.  Oh, God.  Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck!  Oh, fuck!"

Michael's back. The endless string of fuck's are back. The 70's rock is back. The close-ups are back and this time they brought along a friend: really bright lights shining into smoke.

The story is pretty simple...Laurie is still alive and now living with Danielle Harris and her father, Sheriff Brad Dourif. Laurie also has some new friends that are exactly as annoying as her old friends. Michael is still alive and, I guess, for the last two years he's just been walking around working on growing a powerbeard. He's also been building his lower body strength as evidenced when he picks up a fucking car! What the fuck?

Anyway, the beginning of the movie is actually almost alright with the stabbing and action and blood. Then during the middle, it starts to slow down with lots of talking and the world's shittiest party band. And the ending...holy shit. Zombie just takes a gigantic undead shit all over the viewer with the slow motion, the unemotional emotional horseshit, a full length music video (I'm not joking), silent moments and Michael talking! What the fuck is that blasphemous shit?!

Another thing that really burned my biscuits was making the Dr. Loomis character into an asshole. I bet Donald Pleasence was fucking spinning in his grave. That's what they should do! Make a movie where Donald Pleasence is so pissed off over the shitty HALLOWEEN remakes that he comes back from the dead and starts chasing Rob Zombie around, except that Rob can't run very fast because his giant boots and bracelets and designer jeans keep getting caught up on shit.

Fair amount of blood, overstylized everything, tons of cussing, nice body count, mostly boring kills, a few boring tits, horrible Halloween party and distracting cameos including "Weird Al" Yankovic. Great, now I'm daydreaming about Spatula City when I'm suppose to be watching Michael.

Not a terrible watch if you're looking for a few good laughs.

Part 1 - Halloween (1978)
Part 2 - Halloween II (1981)
Part 3 - Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
Part 4 - Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
Part 5 - Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)
Part 6 - Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)
Part 7 - Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)
Part 8 - Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
Remake 1 - Halloween (2007)
Sequel to Original - Halloween (2018)
Direct Sequel 2 - Halloween Kills (2021)
Direct Sequel 3 - Halloween Ends (2022)

THE FLY (1986)

"Be afraid. Be very afraid."

Super smart Jeff Goldblum is a loner scientist who secretly creates a working matter transporter. It works fine on inanimate objects and even smaller animals, but he's never tried it on a human. One night after getting all butthurt over his girlfriend, he strips down completely asshole naked and successfully transports himself...and a house fly that accidentally got inside the pod. That's probably why you should put your matter transporter in a Class 1 clean room and not your poorly lit loft.

Even worse is the computer controlling the transporter is so stupid that instead of Goldblum simply absorbing the fly it...genetically splices his DNA and the fly's. Stupid computer! At first, he doesn't realize what's happening and thinks that his new found super strength and ability to hop all around the place like a acrobat is just a positive benefit of being recreated in the transporter. Soon though he starts to think differently, like when he has to vomit acid on his food before slurping it up and when his ears fall off. Throughout all of this, the world's most dedicated girlfriend sticks by him and tries to help him, but he turns into a complete asshole and she eventually bails. He's not happy about that.

For 1986 the special effects are very impressive, especially the slow Goldblum/fly transformation.  That fly looked dope as fuck! The story though...it's a little bit too simplistic.  I'm not sure what else I wanted, but just more.  I really really liked the middle of the film when Goldblum was first starting to transform and going out on the town and acting like an asshole.  I definitely wish that section was longer.  As it is though, THE FLY is a great remake and 100% worth watching.  Steady pace, fantastic special effects, a Slayer jacket, a Motorhead jacket, weaponized vomit, extremely brief nudity, solid acting, David Cronenberg sighting, Mel Brooks as an uncredited Producer, the two main characters both saying "Cheeseburger." while flashing their fingers outward.

Even though this version was an updated remake of the 1958 original I'd like to see yet another remake / reboot that takes the story even further!

Original - The Fly (1958)
Original Part 2 - Return of the Fly (1959)
Original Part 3 - Curse of the Fly (1965)
Part 2 - The Fly II (1989)