Tuesday, May 31, 2011

HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH (1982)

Yep, this is the one without Michael Myers in it.*

After Michael's "death" in Part 2, the filmmakers wanted to continue the Halloween series, but instead of making it about Michael, they wanted to have it based on the actual Halloween holiday itself.  That's not a bad idea (and I'd love to see a series like that nowadays), but they should have just called it something else instead of HALLOWEEN III.  That boned the entire thing.

So, in this first (and last) installment of the new Halloween holiday series, we get a creepy tale about a company, Silver Shamrock Novelties, who's masks are all the rage.  Every kid wants one, but could there be something sinister going on over at Silver Shamrock?  After a pair of mysterious deaths at a hospital (both concerning a Silver Shamrock mask), a doctor and a relative of one of the victims head off to the nearby Silver Shamrock factory to see what's going on.  What they find ain't cool.

As a stand alone film, HALLOWEEN III is an interesting movie and with a bigger budget it might have actually been more successful, but as it is, the obvious low budget undermines the creepiness of the story. During scenes that should have been ominous or scary, I was too distracted by the cheapness of the sets to be scared. Despite this, Dan O'Herlihy did an outstanding job as the owner of Silver Shamrock. My thoughts might have drifted in some scenes, but when he was on the screen he had my complete attention.

Zero nudity, very little blood, mild violence, good acting, jacket shoulder pads, catchy as fuck jingle that will drive you crazy, mild pacing, heavy INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS influence, insects, snakes, guy in a fireman hat overacting.  Worth a watch for the curious.

*Technically, Michael Myers is in the film twice.  Once we see him in a commercial on a television in the bar.  Next we see actor Dick Warlock as one of the "assassin androids"...he played Michael in HALLOWEEN II.

Part 1 - Halloween
Part 2 - Halloween II
Part 4 - Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
Part 5 - Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers
Part 6 - Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers
Part 7 - Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
Part 8 - Halloween: Resurrection
Remake 1 - Halloween
Remake sequel - Halloween II

Monday, May 30, 2011

HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION (2002)

What the fuck did Michael Myers ever do to deserve this?! For over two decades he's been entertaining us with killings and stabbings and what thanks does he get? He get's his already tarnish (after Parts 5, 6 and 7) legacy completely shit on by a bunch of talentless assholes!

The film opens with Laurie now living in an insane asylum. Naturally, Michael comes to visit and it's so horrible that I honestly thought that Laurie was going to wake up and it would just a shitty dream sequence, but no the nightmare was real and it just keeps getting worse.  I have zero idea how they got Jamie Lee Curtis to sign up for this shitfest. 

By this point I was busy fighting off the urge to smear my own feces the TV, but I persevered and soon I regretting not smearing shit on the TV, because we're introduced to some ultra-annoying college students who have been chosen to star in a reality program being filmed at the original Michael Myers house. Cameras have been set up all over the house and each douchebag has been fitted with their own personal Douche Cam clamped to their annoying heads. People walk around and talk and talk and Mike appears and starts killing people. Just when you think it can't get any shittier some annoying teenagers at a party start watching all of the action live on the internet and one dork, who actually knows the main girl, starts sending her text messages telling her Michael's location!!! Give me a break!

Worst of all the kills are shit and Michael once again looks like he's trying out for Slipknot. Everything about this movie is terrible beyond your wildest nightmares and Michael is blasphemed nonstop. The only sliver of nonshittiness was when the cute red-head got topless for about two seconds. That was awesome, but the entire remaining 89 minutes was rubbish. Fuck this movie.

Part 1 - Halloween
Part 2 - Halloween II
Part 3 - Halloween III: Season of the Witch
Part 4 - Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
Part 5 - Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers
Part 6 - Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers
Part 7 - Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
Remake 1 - Halloween
Remake 2 - Halloween II

Friday, May 27, 2011

HALLOWEEN H20: 20 YEARS LATER (1998)

I don't really see how anybody involved with this movie could be proud of it. Completely ignoring Parts 4 - 6, Part 7, excuse me, I mean Part H20 picks up 20 years later and explains that Laurie faked her death and is now the dean of a elite private school in California. Nothing wrong with that really, just as long as Michael is an ultimate badass...and he's not. Instead his mask is fucking retarded (he looks like he just walked offstage at a Slipknot concert) and he has zero personality. I've read that the actor who played Michael had never seen a HALLOWEEN movie before so he just decided "to tackle the role blindly". Well, he had about as much success tackling the role as Helen Keller would tackling that chicken from ROCKY II.

On top of the Shitty Michael aspect the script is weak as fuck with zero scares. Laurie has a 17 year-old son who attends the school. All of the students are suppose to be on a school trip, but the boy and three friends ditch and hide out in the bowels of the school to par-tay. That's a good idea and it could have been used for some real scares, but instead Mike shows up, quickly kills a few of them, then Laurie decides she's suddenly fucking Ripley from ALIENS and goes after Michael. I guess this is seen as some kind of closure for Laurie's character, but I would have been happier with some kind of entertainment for the audience.

Worth watching, I guess, if you're a fan but I was really disappointed. Zero nudity, zero gore, only a few drops of blood, multiple annoying jump scenes, low body count without any memorable kills, wasted talented Janet Leigh and the ending was foreshadowed way in advance. Boring. Also why didn't Michael kill the people at the rest stop? What a goddamn pussy!

Part 1 - Halloween
Part 2 - Halloween II
Part 3 - Halloween III: Season of the Witch
Part 4 - Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
Part 5 - Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers
Part 6 - Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers
Part 8 - Halloween: Resurrection
Remake 1 - Halloween
Remake 2 - Halloween II

Article incorrectly states the original massacre happened in 1968.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

ENEMY AT THE DEAD END (2010)

This movie was a trip.

ENEMY AT THE DEAD END opens with a dude, Min-ho, in a hospital room. He's had a stroke, so his memory is all shot and he's partially paralyzed. He's been given shock treatment and he spends all his time trying to kill himself. Then one day they bring a new patient into the room and Min-ho freaks out because the new guy, Sang-up, wants to murder Min-ho! Lucky for him though Sang-up has amnesia and doesn't remember that he wants to kill Min-ho. Also he's completely paralyzed. So Min-ho decides he better kill Sang-up before he gets his memory back!

Slowly things start to unravel and the two guy's spend all of their time trying to kill each other! It's almost like a "Tom & Jerry" cartoon...if both Tom and Jerry could barely move. To make matters much, much worse they're put on some experimental medicine that causes them to hallucinate. So add all that to the fact that neither one of them sleep (out of fear), it's complete insanity! For the most part I really enjoyed this movie and laughed a lot at these two paralyzed guy's crazy plots to kill each other, but then the story writes itself into a corner and the explanation fails miserably. I would have rather it just left me hanging than insulted me with such a rubbish ending.

Crap ending aside it's a fun, original movie that's definitely worth watching. No nudity (by the hot female nurse), but there's tons of hilarious violence and the performances by the two leads were both excellent. Check it out.