Wednesday, November 30, 2011

WRONG TURN 4: BLOODY BEGINNINGS (2011)

Wow. After the steep decline between Part 2 and Part 3 I wasn't expecting much out of Part 4, but holy Jesus testicles this movie was kinda awesome! It's starts off in 1974 with some inbred, hillbilly maniacs breaking out of their cell at an insane asylum and causing a riot...including some brutal dismemberment and shock therapy torture.

Fast forward to 2003 and a group of young people are out for a fun afternoon of snowmobiling when they take a wrong turn and get lost. Fearing the very real possibility of freezing to death the group takes shelter in the old abandoned asylum, but of course it's not completely abandoned. The three cannibal freaks don't take kindly to all of the exploring, partying and weed smoking going on in their home so they crash the party and start killing and mutilating the fuck out of everybody.

WRONG TURN 4 is not only better than the original, but it's very much like the 80's slasher movies that I love so much. Compared to the majority of terrible slasher movies that have come out in the last decade (LAID TO REST I'm talking about you asshole!!!) WT4 is a breath of fresh air.  Not only was the script sprinkled with some light-hearted touches, but every single female in the movie was attractive!!! I have no idea who did the casting on this movie, but they're a fucking genius! I was especially smitten with Jennifer Pudavick who had a strong screen presence, is absolutely beautiful and did some impressive screams. She really should be the Final Girl in more horror movies. I couldn't take my eyes off of her.  Very pretty.

Even though I liked the movie a lot, it's still not a perfect. The music was fucking painful, the few quick nude scenes were so brief that they might as not even existed, the three cannibals should have had stronger characters, some of the scenes were too dark and while I did like the special effects I just wish there had been even more gore and blood. Still, for a low budget sequel I think WRONG TURN 4 was way better than it had any right to be.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 5

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

WRONG TURN 3: LEFT FOR DEAD (2009)

80% prison escape drama, 30% mutant hillbilly Slasher killing, 1% tits and 30% entertaining WRONG TURN 3 is the crappiest of the series so far. It's not horrible, just very predictable and I found myself daydreaming a lot, even during the attack scenes.

A group of prisoners are being transported on a bus to another prison or something. Suddenly a hillbilly truck appears and runs them off the road. Unable to contact anybody for help the group is forced to walk through the scary woods. Which is exactly what the mutant cannibal monster dude had in mind, because he has the forest booby trapped with all kinds of shit for chopping up people. Along the way the group comes across a wrecked armored truck full of money. This leads to all kinds of drama. To break up the sausage fest the group also comes across a woman who's been in the woods for the last few days hiding for the cannibal guy.

Of all of the 47 million different scenarios that the writers could have came up with for a WRONG TURN sequel I think number 47,000,001 would have been "have a group of dudes with fake tattoos walking around the woods talking nonstop about how tuff they are while being hunted by a lone hillbilly cannibal who looks like a large, furless, physically retarded meerkat". Instead I would have gone along the lines of some more like "due to cheap real estate values a cheerleader camp locates close to where the large, furless, physically retarded meerkat family lives. Humongous amounts of ultraviolence, ultranudity and ultrashort shorts and ultraskimpy t-shirts ensue".

Overall kinda entertaining, forgettable (if you're lucky) acting, two very brief topless scenes, CGI blood and gore, nearly the entire movie is a night, reasonably quick pace, way too much tough guy posturing. Worth a watch, if you are extremely bored, but not really.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 4
Part 5


Friday, November 25, 2011

THE BURNING (1981)

The kids at a summer camp pull a prank on the semi-retarded looking caretaker named Cropsy. The prank goes horribly wrong and Cropsy ends up burnt to a crisp. Five years later(!!!) he's released from the hospital and his first item of business is picking up a hooker. She gasps at his gnarly face and he rewards her with a blade in her fat belly.

Camp is back in session and for the next like fucking 40 minutes or so there's no killing, just camp hijinks and superhorny teenage hormones. Cropsy lurks in the shadows watching the kids, but he doesn't do anything. He waits until a group of the older kids go on an overnight canoe adventure before he strikes and holy fook it's fucking awesome!!! The raft massacre scene alone is worth watching the movie.

Outside of SLEEPAWAY CAMP and some of the FRIDAY THE 13TH films, THE BURNING is my favorite camp slasher. The campers are a really colorful bunch and honestly I would have been happy if Cropsy had never even showed up. I was having enough fun just following all the silly shit the campers did. Impressive camerawork, nudity, hilarious 80's fashions and a lot of familiar faces among the young cast including Jason Alexander, Brian Backer, Fisher Stevens and Holly Hunter. Also the special effects were by Tom Savini who passed up on FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 to do THE BURNING! Enjoyable movie. Check it out.

Girl laughing at water splashed onto camera.

I would smash the shit out of this nerd.

A young Holly Hunter.


Kid in lower right pouring pepper into other kid's milk. WTF?

Is it just me or does this chick kinda look like a young Tony Roberts? LOL.