CRIME IN THE STREETS (1956)

Ohhhh brother! This movie is so dated and naive that I'm curious if anybody ever took it seriously? The opening scene has two street gangs (the Hornets and the Dukes) squaring off for a rumble, they fight and despite the fact that most everybody has a weapon (one dude even has a board with a giant nail in it!) nobody gets hurt outside of a few bumps and scratches. Next up, the Hornets kidnaps a Duke member and beat his ass in an alley. The gang leader's upstairs neighbor sees one kid pull a zip gun on the hostage and calls the police. He's arrested, so the Hornets decide to get revenge by killing the rat. The rest of the movie is the slow-boil build up to the appointed time for the murder.

CITS is so cheesy that it could have easily been a Christian movie.  All you needed was for the social worker guy say "Jesus loves you." every once and a while.  When I saw director Don (DIRTY HARRY) Siegel's name on the credits I had high hopes that this film would rock, since he did PRIVATE HELL 36 just two years earlier and INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS the same year, but no such luck. The entire movie was obviously shot on a sound stage and might have even been made for television, it sure looks like it was. I think Siegel was just cashing a pay check on this one. And that leads us to the acting...it's actually pretty good, even though the teenage gang leader was played by 27-year-old John Cassavetes.

If you like old juvenile delinquent films where the "bad guys" are such giant dorks it's almost painful to watch then CRIME IN THE STREETS is for you.  Good for a laugh only.  Skip it.

TAXIDERMIA (2006)

[Update 11/28/2023: Need re-watch this film and redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

Got an extra hour and a half of your life that you want to throw straight down the drain? Then TAXIDERMIA is the answer for you!

Without giving too much away, the story starts out with a total loser scumbag who can't get laid for shit and resorts to fucking a hole in a wood wall or masturbating while thinking about a little girl. Eventually he impregnates a woman and has a baby with a tail. The baby grows up to be a champion sport eater and an a world class dork. He impregnates a woman and she gives birth to a really small baby that goes up to be a skinny freak with zero social skills. Eventually he goes nuts and taxidermies himself.

I have zero idea what the point of this movie is, but there isn't a story, all of the characters are repulsive and even though a lot of critics seem to think that it's visually stunning I didn't. I found the entire thing pointless and boring. I kept waiting for the story to start, then after like 20 minutes I started to realize that there isn't one.

If I'd written a script this lame I would have thrown it in the trash. Skip it with a vengeance.

TREMORS (1990)

"Underground goddamn monsters!"

TREMORS is the greatest 1950's monster movie of all time!

The small, isolated desert town of Perfection, Nevada (population: 14) is a great place if you want to get away from things.  It's a million miles from nowhere, tucked away in a valley surrounded by mountains so high that even radio signals can't get out.  If you want peace and quiet, then it really is perfection.  That is until some large underground worms move in and start eating everybody!

Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward are the town handymen. They're sick of this boring dump where nothing ever happens. One morning they have an unfortunate septic tank experience and that's it!  That's the final straw! They pack their stuff and start hightailing it out of town, "now there's nothing, and I mean nothing" that's going to stop them from leaving, except maybe, the monsters that have blocked the only road out of town.  Now they have no choice but to warn the others and fight the monsters by whatever means they can.

I love TREMORS.  I've seen it well over a hundred times and I enjoy it every single time.  It's such a charming movie.  Scary monsters, unique and memorable characters that all have great onscreen chemistry together, fast pace, absolutely perfect build-up during the first act, pole vaulting, breathtaking scenery, quotable script full of funny lines, outstanding acting, strong ending that leaves you wanting more.

Over the years TREMORS has become like an old friend.  It could be playing on TV while I'm laying on my death bed and I'd be happy.  Highly recommended. 

Part 2 - Tremors II: Aftershocks (1996)
Part 3 - Tremors 3: Back to Perfection (2001)
Part 4 (prequel) - Tremors 4: The Legend Begins (2004)
Part 5 - Tremors 5: Bloodlines (2015)
Part 6 - Tremors: A Cold Day in Hell (2018)
Part 7 - Tremors: Shrieker Island (2020)

The original Brokeback Mountain Boys.