BALLS OUT: GARY THE TENNIS COACH (2009)

Ehh.  Mildly (very mildly) entertaining story about Steve Stifler as a janitor/assistant tennis coach at a small high school in Nebraska. Stifler spends about 3% of his time coaching and the rest of his time running around naked, shitting all over the place, puking all over the place, getting pegged by a hooker with a strap-on, talking about condoms with an underage girl, having bizarre visions, threatening children and cussing nonstop.

For a low-budget, vulgarity-based comedy BALLS OUT is alright.  It almost seems like the filmmakers started out with a list of nasty shit and then wrote the story around the list.  The main laughs were from really crude stuff instead of talented writing, so after the initial shock I doubt you would ever laugh at the same joke again.

Some people might think it sucks (and they'd be right), but for a lightweight time-waster you can definitely do worse.  I cannot imagine ever wanting to watch it ever again.

RED ROAD (2006)

[Update 03/09/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

Jackie works as a street security camera operator. She spends her working hours looking over and protecting the people in her area. She seems happy enough, but there is a cloud of sadness hanging over her that the viewer can't quite figure out. Then one evening she sees a man on her screen and she's obviously shaken. She soon become obsessed with watching him all the time...even when she's not at work. She steals security tapes from work to watch at home and even starts trailing him in real life. How far will she go and what exactly is her obsession with this man?

If you're familiar with writer/director Andrea Arnold's work you know what you're going to get: a strong story, well-constructed characters and beautiful, naturalistic camerawork. RED ROAD is a good film, but compared to Andrea's masterpiece FISH TANK or even her short film WASP, it's kinda slow. I liked the movie and recommend watching it, but the pace dragged a few times and I wish there had been a more heightened sense of tension concerning the mystery character.

I honestly think this would have made a better short film, say around 45 minutes or so.

HALLOWEEN (2007)

For the most part, horror remakes are silly and Rob Zombie's HALLOWEEN isn't any different. It's definitely better than Michael Bay's blasphemous FRIDAY THE 13th "reboot", but that ain't saying much. It's kinda like saying falling dick first into a tree shredder is better than falling balls first into a tree shredder.

The main problem with the movie is it's 121 minutes long and boring! The story is the same as the original, with just more "fucks" added in and more random strangers for Michael to kill. The only thing that ever roused me out of my boredom-induced stupor was the assorted genre cameos, but even that got annoying after awhile...Oh, hey, look it's Sybil Danning as a nurse with two lines or look it's that Monkee motherfucker as a gun store clerk. Whoopee!!! But the absolute worst part is the close-ups! I swear to Satan at least 35% of this movie is fucking close-ups!

Maybe I'm being too rough on it, but I can't help it. The movie's lame. Zombie obviously has some filmmaking talent, just not very much. Maybe if he continues making movie for the next 50 years, he'll eventually make an original and good movie, but I'm not holding my breath.

Lots of cussing, over-stylized camerawork (example: when Michael kills the camera suddenly starts shaking a lot), close-up overdose, blood, some nice tits, 70's rock songs, Sheri Moon Zombie's patented style of overacting, zero tension, zero scares, lots of talking, jump scenes.

Part 1 - Halloween (1978)
Part 2 - Halloween II (1981)
Part 3 - Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
Part 4 - Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
Part 5 - Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)
Part 6 - Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)
Part 7 - Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)
Part 8 - Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
Remake 2 - Halloween II (2009)
Sequel to Original - Halloween (2018)
Direct Sequel 2 - Halloween Kills (2021)
Direct Sequel 3 - Halloween Ends (2022)

SECRET REUNION (2010)

A South Korean government agent, Lee Han-kyu (the awesome Kang-ho Song), is heading up a task force to capture the notorious North Korean assassin Shadow. Shadow is in town to execute some traitors who escaped from the North and then dared to openly talk shit about Kim Jong-il. Shadow has a brand new trainee with him, Song Ji-won. Song went to spy school, but when he sees firsthand the brutality of executing an entire family he has second thoughts. Right as Shadow is killing the family, Lee's men show up and Song escapes (because of this he's labeled a traitor by the North). Shadow, being a complete badass, shoots the shit out of everybody and escapes himself. The whole event is a disaster and Agent Lee is blamed for everything. He's disgraced and then fired.

Six years later Lee is now using his detective skills to catch runaway wives. One night while working on a case, he runs into Song. Both recognize the other, but act like they don't. Lee, thinking Song is still an undercover spy, wants to use him to crack a spy ring and become a hero. Song, thinking Lee is still an undercover agent, wants to use him to get information to sell so he can pay for his family to defect from the North. So with both of them wanting something from the other they team up to catch fugitive wives.

That kinda sounds like the set-up for a bizarre buddy comedy, but this movie is pretty serious and the action scenes are good, especially the ones featuring Shadow. That dude was awesome! He might be old (the same actor played the police chief in I SAW THE DEVIL), but when he wanted you dead there was nothing stopping him. His performance nearly stole the movie and with an lesser actor in the lead he might have, but Kang-ho Song isn't going to let that happen. He's great and he's really starting to become one of my favorite actors.

Plenty of action, a few laughs, fights, shoot outs, car wrecks, strong character development, exciting camerawork and a satisfying ending. The only thing this movie was missing was a beautiful woman, but oh well we can't have everything. Well worth renting.

DAYTIME DRINKING (2008)

Hyuk-jin is heartbroken over a recent break-up with his girlfriend so his buddies, during a night of drinking, decide to cheer him up by going on a trip to stay at a cottage in a mountain town for some drinking and relaxation. The next day Hyuk-jin takes the bus to the town, but when he gets there none of his friends have showed up because they're still passed out from all the partying the night before. Now alone, with no friends and with nothing but a broken heart Hyuk-jin starts walking to clear his mind.

At nearly two hours I originally thought this movie was too long. A lot of the scenes seemed to drag on forever, but then as it kept going and going I realized that maybe the filmmakers were trying to convey Hyuk-jin's despair and loneliness...or maybe I'm just giving the filmmakers the benefit of the doubt. Either way I liked this film and the ending was perfect, because even after 116 minutes I suddenly wanted more!

If you're a patient film watcher then I think you'll like DAYTIME DRINKING. There's no explosions or time-traveling Satanists, but I really liked the character of Hyuk-jin and felt sorry for all of his bad luck and even worse decision making.

As far as I can tell this is the only film writer, director, actor, cinematographer, producer, editor, composer, sound and production designer Young-Seok Noh has ever made. Hopefully one day he will bless us again with another film as intimate as this one.