JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY (1993)

Wisely skipping the storyline from the last few films (and that is the only wise thing this stupid motherfucker does) JASON GOES TO HELL opens with Jason just chillin' in the woods, hanging out when some chick comes by and Jason starts chasing her...right into an FBI trap.  If, at this point in the film, you didn't stand up and put your fist straight through your TV then you're not a true Jason fan.

So there's a trap and they blow up Jason.  Literally exploded.  His charred remains are taken to a morgue where the coroner eats Jason's heart.  Grrrrrrr...I can feel my blood pressure rising!  So now, possessed by Jason's "spirit", the coroner goes around killing people in lame ways.  For whatever reason the possessed body gives out quickly so (like in THE HIDDEN) this slug-like thing changes host bodies throughout the film.  That is until Jason finally regains his body and his niece (say what?) stabs him in the heart with a magic knife (oh my fucking Satan!!!) and all of the spirits that are trapped within him (what the fuck?!  When did this happen?) are released and ascend into Heaven (are you fucking kidding me?) while Jason is pulled down to Hell by big goofy hands and Freddy fucking Krueger (well, there goes another TV with a fist fucking through it)!?

Fuck this movie.  The amount of blasphemy towards the sacred character of Jason is unacceptable.  Also, Jason's head looks like a baked potato.  Do not watch under any circumstances...unless you're at my crib and you want to watch me punch out two TV's.

Also, while Jason is pulled underground at the end of the movie, the audience never actually gets to see him in Hell.  If the filmmakers were determined to name this film Jason Goes to Hell, then why didn't they make it a HELLRAISER crossover?  That could have been dope!

Part 1 - Friday the 13th (1980)
Part 2 - Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
Part 3 - Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
Part 4 - Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
Part 5 - Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)
Part 6 - Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)
Part 7 - Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
Part 8 - Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
Part 10 - Jason X (2001)
Freddy vs Jason (2003)
Remake - Friday the 13th (2009)

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN (1989)

"Jason Takes Manhattan"...what a stupid fucking title.

In the opening scene, some lovers on a boat are killed in very boring ways near Camp Crystal Lake.  For whatever reason, Jason decides to go on a road trip down river on the boat before finally sneaking onto a larger boat that's taking some high schoolers on a field trip to NYC.

So for the next 40 minutes or so, Jason kills the people on the boat in standard fashion (axe, harpoon, strangling, glass, sauna rock, electric guitar, etc.) until finally at the 64-minute mark they finally make it to New York.  You would hope at this point the story would pick up, but it doesn't.  It's still boring as Jason stalks these nerds around crappy looking alleys, the docks and a rooftop until the big showdown in the sewer where for whatever reason the sewer is flooded nightly with toxic waste!!!  What the hell?  I'm sure you can guess what happens next...that's right Jason takes one look at that toxic waste and he starts crying like a little bitch.  He even begs for his "Mommy!"  How embarrassing.  Shit like that makes me ashamed to even be a Friday the 13th fan.

Fun for a laugh, but definitely not Jason's finest hour.

Part 1 - Friday the 13th (1980)
Part 2 - Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
Part 3 - Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
Part 4 - Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
Part 5 - Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)
Part 6 - Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)
Part 7 - Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
Part 9 - The Final Friday: Jason Goes to Hell (1993)
Part 10 - Jason X (2001)
Freddy vs Jason (2003)
Remake - Friday the 13th (2009)