Wednesday, April 7, 2010

2012 (2009)

Around 143 trillion years ago the Mayans predicted that the world would come to an end on Dec. 21, 2012. They were wrong. It happened a few months earlier than that. Haha! Stupid Mayans.

Struggling writer John Cusack takes his kids camping in Yosemite National Park. They see a fence that says "Stay Out" so naturally they climb over it and discover a bunch of soldiers being all super secretive. By chance the most important scientist in the universe is there and he's a big fan of John Cusack's novel. He lets them go and soon Cusack runs into a hipster drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon, eating pickles and talking about super secret spaceships. Hmmm?

Back in L.A., Cusack is driving a limo for a billionaire and the billionaire's kid starts talkin' shit to Cusack about how he's going on a big ship and Cusack is going to die. Cusack freaks out and tells his family to hightail it, so they steal an airplane and go flying around all over the joint as the entire planet blows up.

Disaster movies are silly and dumb as Hell, but that's what makes them so much fun! Plus they all have the same plot: build up, disaster bukkake overload, aftermath. The build up in 2012 was enjoyable with people saying stuff like "My God." and "Today we are one family." then the shit really hits the fan and you would expect it to be a giant rape party, but strangely enough people are pretty calm and noble considering everything and the kitchen sink is being thrown at them...megaearthquakes, megatsunamis, megavolcanoes. This movie throws it all out there. I'm surprised some asteroids didn't try to get in on the action!

The story about the family on the run was exciting, but some of the other stuff should've ended up on the cutting room floor. I mean, goddamn, this mother is nearly three hours long!  All the shit about the President? Trashed. The scientist's dad? Trashed. The scientist's dad's friend's son? Double trashed!!! Come on, this is suppose to be an action movie. All this extra bullshit is boring me.

Oh well, I've said too much. 2012 is fun for what it is, but it's only worth a rent. I would never sink money into buying it. Also do not watch the alternate ending on the extras. That shit was retarded.